[escapedmoose]

Aside from the reflexive “yikes, dude” that this gives me, I wouldn’t trust the content itself. A manual written by someone who’s worked with you for years would be far more valuable. But my first impression of a person who hands me something like this is going to be “what past interpersonal disasters have you wrought that led you to put time into something like this?”

…case in point is a current coworker of mine, who gave me something like a verbal version of this manual when we started working together. He almost immediately began acting completely opposite to what he said. Turns out his spiel was more aspirational than honest. Seems like he was trying to convince me to like him before his behavior steered me in the other direction. Not that I can’t work with the guy, but I had to learn my own ways to get around his quirks—ways which were certainly not outlined in his introduction.

[karmelapple]

I think there's an important distinction between this and one post the author mentions he was inspired by, the "How to Rands" post [1].

From How to Rands:

> The following is a user guide for me and how I work. It captures what you can expect out of the average week working with me, how I like to work, my north star principles, and some of my, uh, nuance. My intent is to accelerate our working relationship with this document.

"How to Rands" is not saying "you need to do this to work with me." Rather, it's describing some of his preferences, behavior, etc.

I think a rename of OP's title from "How to work with me" to "How I like to work" or even just "About how I work" might more clearly communicate the author's original intent. (if I understand David's intent correctly, that is!)

[1] https://randsinrepose.com/archives/how-to-rands/

[_moof]

> I respond poorly to being told what to do (“Rands, do X.”)

This is a joke, right?

[drewcoo]

I don't think Rands often tells people what to do. I think he's more likely to nudge.

https://randsinrepose.com/archives/three-superpowers/

[klabb3]

I know there are some who do these things with honest intents, but I must agree with you based on experience...

I saw this primarily with managers and higher-ups who clearly used this as some form of pre-emptive signaling device, kinda like a Twitter Bio. It's creating a paper trail that serves your narrative in performance reviews, often indirectly through priming or "anchoring" people with an early impression. It ticks all the boxes – yet it doesn't come in a format that's usually under scrutiny – "why would anyone deceive in a user manual?". It's catnip for middle management.

[akhmatova]

I also find the "manifesto" format of this piece off-putting, and am not sure how I would take it if it were presented to me up front by someone who wanted me to work with them.

That said, many of the points seem (from eyeballing) seem quite reasonable, and to touch on certain (sadly) highly prevalent anti-patterns in the modern w$rk culture (especially these days, when anyone remotely competent can catapult to a senior-sounding position within a couple of years, without much in the way of actual people and business process experience to match).

For example, the items on:

- expecting others to read your mind and/or take hints (sometimes sanctioning them for not doing so)

- dragging people into meetings that aren't effective or especially relevant to them (as if their time is infinite and worthless)

- assuming everyone is on the same "channel" as you (in regard to social media, answering texts at crazy hours, etc)

Seem to be basically on point, and sadly, do not go "without saying" in the modern work universe (given how frequently these basic points of decency are overrun or ignored, in some environments).

[emmelaich]

The title is off-putting but I can't fault the text.

In reference to your coworker, at least you can suggest to him where his behaviour deviates from his ideal? Seems much better than starting from scratch.

[kirso]

And thats why, sir all personality tests are ultra-biased :)

[saiya-jin]

Did you give him this kind of feedback after some time passed and thing crystalized? It may be unpleasant to hear since it ruins his self-image, but as person who actually made the effort and tried to put together some, even if flawed, self-manual... he may appreciate the honesty/bravery on your side and content, at least in long run.

[escapedmoose]

I would consider doing so, if not for the power structure at play. His opinion of me has a lot of influence on whether I get a paycheck or not, so unfortunately that’s not a risk I can take.