Tell HN: I think I hate my co-founder

[throwaway_929]

Please share advice and/or your opinion as to whether or not I'm being completely unfair.

Main content REDACTED to avoid this coming back to haunt me.

Original post described a co-founder who did not listen well (esp. when he initially disagrees or is at fault), had a big ego, dismissed my concerns, and was not a fun developer to share a codebase with.

[waterhole]

One of the most important (if not the most important) thing for the success of a start-up is the relationship between co-founders. Forget about the product. It doesn't matter how amazing it is. If the co-founders can't get along, the product is DEAD.

When you lose a founder, you lose the motivation and confidence to continue, you lose part of your vision, and the other half of the "brain" in your startup. The key to a successful startup is to first have a strong relationship and chemistry between the co-founders. Second, is to have a good product.

[smoyer]

I hate your co-founder too ... and I've met many people that are like that. One of the things that's important to me is that the people around me are real. He seems to be so full of himself, that he can't control his ego. While a start-up founder has to have a lot of determination, they don't need to have an attitude.

So if you're miserable, find something else to make you happy. Just beware that many of the most brilliant technical people are going to have their own "tics" ... perhaps a set of closed-back headphones would help?

Finally, you should also ask yourself what he might be thinking about you ... it's a valid question. After this divorce happens (you've already decided), think about the traits that will make a good marriage next time.

[saiko-chriskun]

Just plain revert commits that aren't done correctly (i.e. directly on master / no accompanying unit tests). If he complains about wasting time just tell him to get his butt back to work :P.

Other than that though it just sounds like you two just shouldn't be working together. If I didn't enjoy beings around my co-founder(s) it would ruin the whole startup experience for me, I just wouldn't do it.

[sandroyong]

Hmmm...seems like an inflexible person. After reading your posting, I get the feeling you've already decided and your waiting for 3rd party responses before signing the divorce papers.

You could 1) accept it and endure it (but your company suffers because of it once it goes public or is more public) 2) confront him about it because this is a 'company issue' and you have to resolve it if you are going to move forward for the good of the company 3) cut your losses and start anew with a new cofounder or a new startup (4-5 months into it shouldn't be too high a price to pay for more headaches later)

From your point of view (and I've haven't seen his side of the story) you have made reasonable concessions, and any more concessions on your part I don't think (from reading your post) will unlikely resolve things.

Good luck.

[clockwork_189]

A very helpful advice that my mentors imparted onto me is that when you choose your business partner/cofounder, do it such that the person you chose complements you. What that means is that he/she is strong in the areas that you are weak at. This allows you to focus on your strength and compensates for your weakness.

Another important note is that you need not like the person you work with. Think about it, what are you working for? I hope your answer is money, if not then please ignore this. If you think about it, money has no feelings. As should you. This by no means, means going and robbing a bank or anything that extreme, but it does mean business should involve no emotions, while at the same time be ethical.

[kellco]

When my friends and mentors asked me why I picked my cofounder and what made me decide to, my answer was that I'd enjoy working with him.

I said that if I was going to be busting my butt for the next few months or years, I'd want someone that I would really enjoy working with and can get along with and that's mellow/laid back/low key/no drama. His talents and skills were lower on the priority list than that #1 must -have.

I hope you have better luck finding someone that's no only skilled but that you can get along with and is compatible with you work-wise/personality wise.

[makecheck]

Assuming your hands aren't too tied by legal agreements, I'd cut my losses and quit. Life is too short to put up with a bad workplace.

Also try to show as much loyalty as you can to the person that you hired, as they're apparently someone competent who was caught in the crossfire. Perhaps you can fit them in if you happen to start something new soon. Heck, maybe even that person would be a better co-founder for a new venture.

[gallerytungsten]

This is why it's best to really, really, get to know your co-founder(s) over a period of time. I'd say 3-6 months, minimum, for the discussion phase.

Hang out with them in a social setting. Hire them to do some minor work for you. Do whatever you have to, to find out what they're REALLY like before you make it official.

Now that you know it's a bad fit, figure out how to move on.

[dirkdeman]

I just have to ask this: why did you choose him to be your co-founder in the first place? I mean, there must have been some qualities that made you decide to go on this adventure together? I can imagine that ditching him isn't an option at this point, so you have to find a way to make it work. Good luch and hang in there!

[md1515]

It has been said before: bad blood between co-founders spells disaster for a startup.

Patch things over for the sake of your baby, end things amicably, or take your baby and run baby run.

[johng]

I have experience with these guys, if it comes to that. Highly recommend them: http://www.ihatemypartner.com/

[throwaway_929]

Thank you for the feedback so far, I really appreciate it. Admittedly you are only hearing my side of it, which I will try to keep in mind.