[scantis]

Have you sufficiently taken the pandemic into account? It messes up everything and people are more on edge. Couples spend more time together and outside friends or activities are missing for many.

How will you know, that your feeling of happiness will even last when she is gone?

It seems obvious you need a break, but maybe your past self will just recover and with it comes a lot of regret.

If you are really sure, you should confront it with her, there is no nice way for this, so don't even bother finding it.

[throwaway020222]

Yes, I think I have.

Last year after we got our 2nd vaccine shot, we started going out/travelling a lot but still the love didn't re kindle.

[scantis]

Love is oxitocin, it gives you serotonin or comfort and dopamine the rewarding rush. At the same time, it also makes you stupid.

The older theory is we use up our oxitocin in around 3 years, but we can still enjoy either serotonin or dopamin to keep a relationship going.

It recovers, but you never feel that high again. In teenage years it's the worst/best.

The addictions you describe, porn, YouTube, gaming and what you are doing here are in this theory related to dopamine.

You seem to have kicked it or you can't reach your level anymore.

Sometimes we use this stuff up and don't feel the rush and the excitement. Receptors requiring to much to be shaken.

You need to take a break and regenerate your rewarding hormones. This makes experiences greater, but sometimes it takes years.

Sometimes you need to do something extreme, shake things up or pick a fight and feel alive again.

Sometimes you feel awful when it is all used up.

I don't know where you are at with this, but love does not rekindle on command. Just some chemical in your brain and everything is different.

Others gave you some really solid advice here, sorry I don't have any.

Just be careful, this can be a very lonely planet.

[throwaway020222]

> The addictions you describe, porn, YouTube, gaming and what you are doing here are in this theory related to dopamine. You seem to have kicked it or you can't reach your level anymore.

I felt uneasy about my relationship/marriage before going heavily into gaming and youtube. I think those two just were a way to not listen to my own thoughts and continue with normal life.

> Sometimes you need to do something extreme, shake things up or pick a fight and feel alive again.

I did something extreme last week which not even in a throwaway account I feel comfortable mentioning (nothing illegal of course) and I haven't felt this alive in years. Hell there are some nights I haven't been able to sleep remembering what I did last week and remembering with a smile.

> I don't know where you are at with this, but love does not rekindle on command. Just some chemical in your brain and everything is different.

Very true

> Others gave you some really solid advice here, sorry I don't have any.

Thank you, your post was very insightful nonetheless.

> Just be careful, this can be a very lonely planet.

Quoting myself from another comment: "I've never understood the worry of how you die. Yes if I divorce and never marry again I'll die lonely, for sure. But should I be miserable for 40 years of my adult life just to not die lonely? I prefer to try to be happy for the good years that I have left instead of worrying and acting now in preparation for my death."