[anon92387493]

RE: activity

This may sound crazy, but join a Crossfit gym.

Look on google maps, find one that is convenient, show up, talk to the coach, and sign up for a month.

Crossfit is instant community. And you will get fit and feel better about yourself while you do it.

Will it solve everything? Maybe not. But there's it's SUCH a simple way to make real progress on isolation, health, and self esteem.

There are a million other great activities and communities. Few are as easy to find and as consistently positive as Crossfit. (And it does't have to literally be "Crossfit" but if it isn't, then you are in a search mode, which leads to hesitation, reasons not to, and doing nothing.)

[mbreese]

I think this is a great idea. In a similar vein, they could also try a running club. There are running clubs everywhere and they look for people of all skill levels (your target could be a 5K, 10k, etc). There are smaller “pods” of people running at different paces, so you can always find a group that matches your skill level. They are also very encouraging and a good way to meet a variety of people. After-run drinks is also not uncommon.

But, with the CrossFit suggestion and this one, I think that the exercise component is just as important as the social aspects. Exercise can help just as much mentally as physically. The notion on a “runners high” is a real effect.

Being able to do it alone or in a group is also a bonus. I have run both with a club and by myself. You don’t have to wait for someone else to get started. You can join a gym or you can run outside. If you have running shoes, you can start today. (Okay, if you’re in the northeast, you might want to wait a few days…)

Another benefit to running — your coding will get better. Seriously. When you have time to stop and think more about a problem, away from the keyboard, problems get easier to solve. I’ve debugged several issues just by stopping and going for a run.

Finally the feeling of finishing a race — no matter the distance — is great. You don’t need to run in a race to get the other benefits, but it’s nice to have a goal.

[phant0mas]

Can't agree with this more. Training has really helped me put my emotions in check, and after a workout everything seems more clear. I have ended up going every day, and pretty much feel like a car hit me every day, but I have made so many friends just by having CrossFit as a common activity.

The other day, they even organized a hiking activity in the Parnitha mountains outside of Athens, and it felt like an adventure. It's a great community to be part of. My trainer even jokes I should be paying him a extra therapist fee.

Not to mention I met my, probably, future wife at the gym :)

[anon92387493]

@tenonyx - One important thing: start something THIS WEEK. The benefit of Crossfit, or a running club, or something like that is you can start immediately. It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be where you end. It just needs to be a start.

I remember my own phase of loneliness and isolation. I remember sitting on the couch bemoaning my fate. Day after day. The same story. Then I finally took an action that literally changed my life.

The key was that I did something RIGHT THEN, as opposed to planning to do something or thinking about why something wasn't quite right.

Go start your journey of 10,000 miles. Do it now.

[tobmlt]

Great idea. Here is something that could be similar but more niche (sorry if too niche): join a meetup group for that does indoor rock climbing. If, say, meetup is a big thing where you are. Otherwise, check for, e.g. facebook groups that partner up climbers -- meet and learn! (likely need to take a class to learn the very basics first, assuming you know absolutely nobody and there is no meetup for it.)

More laid back: join a weekly bikes-with-lights social biking group. Weekly trivia, meetups at bars for tech people, new people to the area, karaoke, etc. Play to your strengths/likes. Run and hit the gym to boost social confidence (now I am back at crossfit ;). Learn how to dress up just slightly more than standard for any occasion (non exercise that is) if you don't already know.

It's easier to make friends outside of work if you build some structure or drive into your life beyond work. Become interesting by having interests. Whatever you choose to do, keep doing it and eventually you will meet like minded souls.

I wonder where OP is. Location might have a say in what's popular and help find a matching interest.

[Bhurn00985]

I appreciated your comment. Any pointers on where to learn how to dress slightly up for an occasion ? I just don't have an eye for it.

[tobmlt]

Hey thanks. Reddit could be your friend here. Well, honestly, youtube as well.

Here's a good, to the point summary of a lot of things:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgH_9Iy7_mQ (lot's of good advice from this guy I think, I the fact that he's selling you on his channel doesn't put you off)

0.) dress just a little bit nicer than average. Do this by simply dressing for the occasion and most likely it will just happen.

https://www.reddit.com/r/coolguides/comments/bfxiqb/how_to_d...

1.) Wear clothes that fit

https://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/comments/ehrtv/sh... https://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/comments/1hr3nk/h...

2.) Wear a watch:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Watches/comments/2mkg05/rwatches_bu... https://www.reddit.com/r/Watches/comments/1oawc3/meta_watche...

3.) understand when to wear what shoe

https://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/comments/p7usf/sh...

4.) Going out? Got a date? Wear a blazer:

https://suitsupply.com/en-us/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNe1dkaTfg0 (youtube, content starts at 2:06 or so. this guy wears more snickers than I'd be comfortable with, but it's fine for him, and yeah, anyway, some good ideas there)

Also critical, no how a suit should fit, tie your ties, etc. Reddit it all over this stuff so google reddit with your particular question and you should be on your way.

I hope that helps!

[postcynical]

Agree. Crossfit benefits IMO:

The Crossfit WODs, a very physically intense workout, at the end everyone usually has a runners high and is sort of relaxed, has a similar effect on me like drinking with others.

The pain shared from fighting through grueling WODs with others creates great bonds/cameraderie, similar to those marches in the military service. Go through a few hero wods together and you develop great trust.

Endless small talk possibility with other crossfitters. Everyone loves to enthusiastically chat about exercises, the last few wods, etc. And immediate connection, like if u studied at the same university.

Last point applies to other sports as well, but IMO, it's a lot stronger with crossfit.

[gonzo41]

This is good advice, also if it doesn't work, you'll be so tired all of your problems will be gone because you'll be sleeping or trying to eat enough to keep up.

[mvcatsifma]

+1 to CrossFit. It pulled me through the birth of my youngest daughter, three job switches in a fairly short amount of time and the pandemic. Like others have said, it will not solve all your problems, but it will definitely make you feel better about yourself.

I actually came to CrossFit through reading Tucker Max's book "Mate" (ISBN-10: ‎0316375365) which I also recommend you read. Good luck brother.

[tootie]

There's a 1000 similar options. Ballroom dancing, martial arts, bird watching, D&D. Most are happy to have new recruits.

[yeeetz]

Yeah those all sound nice in theory but those activities way more likely to be populated with other weird lonely overthinker types like OP. Do stuff that normal people actually do, not what internet people think normal people do.

[ethbr0]

> not what internet people think normal people do

As internet people debate in a lengthy thread about what normal people do. :-)

[sshine]

> stuff that normal people actually do

Have kids?

[austhrow743]

I would be highly skeptical that most people in their 30s doing ballroom dancing and bird watching are normal. I know you're just making stuff up with the D&D inclusion.

[tootie]

Those were just example. Any big city is bound to have thousands of groups like these and you'll have to find one that fits. And even being with other lonely nerds can be stimulating enough to blunt depression enough to get you moving. If you just assume everything in the world sucks and to not even try then that's how you get lonely.

[horns4lyfe]

Bird watching? Ballroom dancing? This has to be a joke, I’ve never met a single person under 60 that does either of these

[legerdemain]

I don't know about bird-watching, but ballroom dancing is really big in computer science. It was really big in my CS department on the east coast 20 years ago, and it's really big at Stanford now.

As far as I understand it, software engineers in the Bay Area have two common hobbies: indoor rock-climbing at Planet Granite and ballroom dancing. I would never have guessed how common they are, but it is what it is. D&D is a distant third.

[chrisseaton]

> ballroom dancing is really big in computer science

Lol that’s the absolute polar opposite of what the OP wants. They want to get away from other engineers like them and to meet some different people.

[harambae]

>As far as I understand it, software engineers in the Bay Area have two common hobbies: indoor rock-climbing at Planet Granite and ballroom dancing

also kiteboarding

[tarsinge]

I agree that this is a great start because of all the aspects it improve at the same time like you said.