[gnicholas]

I don't think it requires a toxic level of jealousy to be wary of an opposite-sex friend with whom your spouse talks daily and discusses "very intimate details about our personal lives".

But hey, that's just me! I recognize other people have different types of marriages and don't judge them or consider their relationships toxic.

[koolba]

Not putting yourself in tempestuous situations is the social equivalent of not stocking your pantry with candy when you’re a diabetic.

[Godel_unicode]

Which is to say, some people have a problem and need to take steps. Others don't and shouldn't be restricted by other people's issues.

[gnicholas]

I think we're in agreement, but just FYI "tempestuous" doesn't have anything to do with temptation.

The above situation could certainly lead to tempestuous arguments, though!

[koolba]

Ha! Indeed, temptatious situations can lead to tempestuous circumstances.

[thereare5lights]

> tempestuous situations

But given this

> The idea of a sexual relationship with her is just gross, though, in the “I’m screwing my sister” sort of way.

There is no temptation

[standardUser]

I have such a hard time understanding this perspective. Either you know your partner will be faithful and there is nothing to worry about. Or, you know your partner will not be faithful, and you need to let them be non-monogamous or end the relationship.

In any in-between scenario, you don't know your partner well enough to judge and should probably break up immediately on those grounds alone. Imagine not knowing your life partner well enough to know if they will have extra-marital sex? Inconceivable to me.

[greggman3]

That's not how real life works. In real life (for many people), familiarity breeds desire. To put it another way, it starts off innocent. One dinner, 2 dinners, 3 dinners, a movie, and the married partner keeps telling themselves "I'm still faithful and I'm not doing anything wrong and have no intent to be unfaithful". But, it's like a tension building up and when it finally crosses some threshold, suddenly your feeling change. You want the relationship with the other person.

Many people recognize this pattern. There are countless stories, novels, books, movies, tv shows on it. People writing from personal experience. If you truly value your monogamous marriage then you'll avoid letting that tension build in the first place. That doesn't mean you'll never go out with a friend of the opposite sex. But you will avoid doing it too much. O course many people aren't even aware of this pattern so they let the tension build and then lose their marriage.

You can fully trust your partner. And your partner can trust themselves. That doesn't mean if they put themselves in that situation over and over that nothing will come of it. Further, you have no idea what the other person's intensions are, and even if the other person's intensions are platonic, they'll have the same tensions building.

[thereare5lights]

As someone that does not experience that kind of tension, it’s baffling to learn that there are people can be tempted into violating their own principles over things that are not even worth it such as saving lives.

I’d even go as far to say as people that can be tempted this way do not have as strong relationships as they think they do.

[greggman3]

Let's take it to an extreme and see if you still agree. You're married. You get assigned to go to Mars for 3 years. There it will be just you and a very attractive, very outgoing, very willing, and someone exactly your type (whatever that is), member of the opposite sex who is single. You will spend every day and night with them in a space the size of a recreational vehicle (1 bedroom apartment) for those 3 years and won't be able to talk to your spouse live (around trip communication to mars is 10 minutes?)

Do you really believe most people would stay faithful? At best, they might break up before starting a relationship with the person they're spending all the time with but it's highly unlikely at some point they wouldn't start something one way or another.

If you get that example then everything else is just a matter of degree. If my spouse wants to see an old friend of the opposite sex a few times a year I'm not going to worry. But, if they are talking to them daily, which is what the post above was about, then IMO, something is wrong with our relationship and I should be worried.

If the mars example doesn't work for you then my gut says just wait a few years and a few examples will come. Of course maybe you just know special types of people I've never met.

[thereare5lights]

> Do you really believe most people would stay faithful?

Yes.

You're asking me to believe that most people will betray their principles, commitments, vows, etc when it becomes convenient.

I have no evidence that that is the case.

If anything, there are numerous examples in literature of people staying faithful for years apart.

My hypothesis on this is that this belief that people will cheat is projection on the part of people that would.

> But, if they are talking to them daily, which is what the post above was about, then IMO, something is wrong with our relationship and I should be worried.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. In that scenario, there is nothing wrong with your relationship. But yet you say there is.

> Of course maybe you just know special types of people I've never met.

Right back at y'all.