[burticlies]

Oh wow, this is the first internet baby tip that has actually worked. Our two year old would take 30 minutes of settling every night, with one of us in the room sitting in a chair. Tried this checking in every couple of minutes idea, and within a few days he only took 6 minutes and was relaxed the whole time. Thanks a bunch! Got any tips for when they wake up freaking out in the night?

[eitland]

I'll favourite this :-)

Maybe even add a bookmark for it, filed under a new tag: bragging_rights ;-)

But please remember I did not come up with this, see sibling comment (pjgalbraith). It seems the method is called the Ferber method although I learned a modified version from what I found when I looked it up[1]: the way I learned it was to increase by two minutes each day, not more, ie first day 1 and then 3 minutes, second day 3 and then 5 minutes etc. I believe this will be even gentler and it has worked wonderfully for both children and adults.

Now to your question:

> Got any tips for when they wake up freaking out in the night?

Two things:

Once kids learn to associate bed with relaxing on their own they can often find their way back to sleep easily but not always.

My rule of thumb has been that if they have been asleep and wake up I walk in immediately as soon as I can so to make sure they aren't worried about being alone. Then it is up to ones judgment as a parent: if it is just old habits, start the countdown timer. If however they are scared (nightmares etc) stay a bit longer or if necessary take the child out of bed and hold them.

This is easier to judge if one arrive quickly because otherwise it is hard to know if they were scared when they woke up or if they became scared after thinking they were alone.

[1]: https://www.parents.com/baby/sleep/basics/the-ferber-method-...

[burticlies]

I think this speaks to how when learning a concept, just having it framed in the right way can really help.

I’d heard of the Ferber method before and we tried it a bit to no success. But just hearing the same idea framed as “the parent checking back in regular like a metronome”, rather than “the baby needs to learn to self settle” just clicked in my head.

Thanks for the tips, will keep trying this and see if it sorts out the late night wakes too.

[eitland]

Seems like you already have the most important part settled from the start: you care about the child :-)

And, since you mention it: like a metronome is a good way to think about it. I used to use a digital timer or a phone but anything with fine grained resolution is fine I think, the point seems to be to be predictable.

Also I try to remember to point out that I go back also if the kid doesn't cry.

Some people think if the kid is silent then they are about to fall asleep and we should not wake them.

In my experience if the child feels safe they fall asleep with no problems even if I walk in and out.

On the other hand, if they haven't fallen asleep that will teach them that if they don't cry I won't look after them, at least that is what I think.