[hutzlibu]

Lately there was some confusion in a (telegram) group about Saunas I am in. Because some newcomers assumed it was actually about swinger sex and not wellness. (despite nothing indicating such)

I mean, we are not living under Taliban rule. You can go to a million sex finder sites if that is what you want. No need to encrypt your desires and bother other people who are in some group for the plainly stated topic.

[sokoloff]

I played recreational level volleyball and softball for around two decades. More than half the people I dated, I met through those channels (including my wife). I continued to play whether or not I was single and after we married.

Was I encrypting my desires and bothering other people? I don’t think so. It turns out humans will, from time to time, hook up with other humans who they meet doing random things, even if those things aren’t swiping right on an app.

[hutzlibu]

Sure, people are having sexual desires and dating is allright with me, but you were still mainly playing ball there, right?

Like I just wanted mostly to relax in a new awesome wellness place, I have not been before.

But sure, saunas are intense and you see other people without masks, which increase the chance of direct contact.

So if I meet someone nice there and this person is also interested, then sure, things can go another way for us, but not in this particiular place as other people are there for sauna and not an orgy.

Most, especially young women, cannot relax very well, with sexual tensions in the room directed at them, so the sauna culture is very sensitive to keep all that out as much as possible. You are just naked among other people. And relax. You may admire the looks of other bodies, but you are really not supoosed to stare at them, or bother them in any way. But in most public saunas it is sadly mainly horny old people keeping the women out. (which is why I am a bit mad at horny people creeping into private wellness groups looking for swinger sex)

[caminante]

> Was I encrypting my desires and bothering other people? I don’t think so.

I can't recommend affinity groups (especially co-ed sports) enough for ways to be social, exercise, and explore romantic matches (for cheap!) It bakes in compatibility/values traits.

But saunas...?

For saunas, one of many obvious differences (with volleyball/softball) is that I can't expect someone to engage in conversation. For sports, I need to communicate and coordinate. Parent is referring to people lustfully conflating brothel/bathhouse facilities with a family YMCA.

In Germany, sauna clubs are unapologetically marketed as brothels.

[hutzlibu]

"In Germany, sauna clubs are unapologetically marketed as brothels."

I am not sure, if I understand that right, but here in east germany a sauna is about sauna. And fkk is fkk(nudism). And sex is about sex. And surely people are combining it, but I have not heard of a gay "sauna club". That is, I do not know any sauna club at all. I am just in a telegram group, where a privately owned wellness place announces the next days when they are open for people (limited). And general talk around sauna/wellness. Nicer atmosphere, than in the big puplic ones, when you do not own your own sauna, which I would usually prefer.

[caminante]

Maybe the keywords matter? Googling "germany sauna club" gets explicit results.

>I am just in a telegram group, where a privately owned wellness place announces the next days when they are open for people (limited).

In the US, the equivalent are "country clubs."

[toyg]

That's just world-shrinking culture shock. In some countries, only (gay) swingers go to saunas; in that context, it makes sense that they could see an ostensibly sauna-focused group as really about sex.

See also: "oriental massage parlours".

[hutzlibu]

I know that. It still anoys me, as all of this is pretty much out in the open here in germany. Which one would know with 5 minutes of searching.