[deanmoriarty]

I’m not, there is just too much pressure to deliver and I don’t know how to pace myself. For instance, during these Christmas holidays I worked full time nearly every day. Completely self imposed, none of my coworkers were online, I did it to try to get ahead of the utterly impossible deliverables that were given to me as the most senior person in my team. It was truly a miserable time.

It doesn’t help that I am perverse enough to always strive for the most senior position I can get in, when I change a company, which always turns out to be incredibly difficult and a destroyer of self confidence.

I am currently at a FAANG at a senior level and I am not kidding when I say I do not know what the hell I am doing, technically speaking. I try to counter balance this by working like a dog, but it is not sustainable. I spent a lot of time thinking about this and I think people talk about impostor syndrome but I am just a true impostor. Compared to some of my peers I am better at sweet talking and so I end up getting opportunities I am not qualified for (“tricking” management is somewhat a very easy game for me), and then suffer.

I need some sort of catalyst in my life to change all this. I rationally know this is destroying me, but my brain just keeps telling me: “stop complaining you fool, you are incredibly privileged and lucky and are making the money of your life, people would kill to be in your shoes. Just work harder and shut up before you are truly caught in your incompetence and the well dries up”.

I’m thinking 2022 might be a good time to talk to a therapist, things have been getting consistently worse yoy as I grew more senior professionally.

[randomopining]

I think you can acknowledge the truth of what your brain is saying about the monetary opportunity. You can also acknowledge that you will have to "up your game" to get to that next level.

But, you can also just realize that life and especially corporate jobs are just a game and don't take it so seriously that you deteriorate from within. Just cruise, try your best for a few months, and if you don't like it after that time period - then change gears or just go into slow cruise mode

[gaws]

> I am currently at a FAANG at a senior level and I am not kidding when I say I do not know what the hell I am doing, technically speaking. I try to counter balance this by working like a dog, but it is not sustainable.

Good lord. You need to quit for two reasons: Your mental health will evaporate the longer you do this, and you're taking up space from someone who knows what he's doing and is currently out of work.