[refurb]

To me it’s all about expectations (realistic or not) and wether they are met.

Expect to be poor and if you hit middle class you’ll be happy and grateful.

Expect to be rich and the same outcome will produce depression.

Not to sound like a stoicism fanatic, but that’s one aspect that helps. Reminding yourself of everything you could lose drives some appreciation for what you have, whatever it is.

And yes, acknowledgement that humans evolved to never be satisfied with their current situation helps as well. Breaking free of “things need to get better” is great for mental health but means your also fighting against hundreds of thousands of years of evolution.

[pdimitar]

I agree with your comment a lot. Don't think of me as a nitpicker, I simply want to add a nuance to this statement:

> Reminding yourself of everything you could lose drives some appreciation for what you have, whatever it is.

I have observed many people having trouble with that and I agree with you that this is very much needed in our lives to give us some humility.

That being said, to some people -- myself included -- this happened way too many times and they can't have appreciation through that vector anymore. My brain switched to "I am sick of hearing this! I will level up and won't have to think about never being threatened with living under a bridge ever again!".

Of course, the hedonistic treadmill the article mentions is very much real -- we are never satisfied with what we have. However, it's very possible to arrive at the mindset where you are like "eh, I'd feel a bit better if I had a $500K in the bank and not only $200K" but objectively, when you've grown up and lived in a poor country for most of your life, I think it's easier to NOT get stressed about the statement in quotes.

And I agree on the evolution part. I'd theorize this mindset of ours has evolved because we developed in a very harsh environment (ice age) and we wanted to optimize our lives for less work and more leisure. Ironically, nowadays humanity at large fails miserably at just that... but that's really a very different topic.

[refurb]

Interesting comment on appreciation. It’s not easy by any means and I’ve found myself fall into thought patterns where I start to feel like I’ve been cheated by life.

But at least for me, a lot of it is driven by distraction. Work becomes overwhelming. Or family becomes too hard to juggle. So caught up in what’s in front of you that you lose the big picture.

Where I’ve found clarity is in the “being present mindset”. Giving my son a bath and noticing just how much he changes everyday and what that experience must be like for him reminds me that time is fleeting. Often what we value most in the future are the experiences of the past. And taking the time to truly connect with my son will be one of those things I’ll look back on in 10 years and truly appreciate that I took that time.

And don’t get me wrong. The hedonistic treadmill is the reason we went to the moon. Never being satisfied will drive humanity to do incredible things, but it will also drive people to depression. It’s neither good nor bad but just is. Acknowledging that and seeing it in yourself can help immensely.

[pdimitar]

I don't disagree with what you are saying but you are saying it to the wrong person.

I am acutely aware how fleeting time is, believe me. It's just that most of my life I've been way too stressed to do anything about that. It's a death spiral.

If you came to me 5 years ago and told me "just relax, man, take your time" you'd likely receive a fist to the face and I'd yell at you: "THAT'S NOT AT ALL HELPFUL RIGHT NOW, SHUT UP!".

You likely live in an environment where realizing the things you mention is 99% of the battle so your advice is optimized towards that. You have to understand however that in most of the world the 99% of the battle is not being smart of understanding these things; most people around me are well-aware of them by the time they hit 23 at the most. Our 99% of the battle is allocating the time and energy to live in the present and just manage to have any leisure at all.

For many us just stopping to smell the flowers is physically impossible because we'd lose valuable capital (in one form or another) if we do it even for 30 minutes. Yep, I am not exaggerating, my life has been hell in the past.

So don't get me wrong as well -- your perspective is valuable. Just not to me and to many others who found that out ages ago and are now extremely saddened because they can't employ this wisdom yet.

Currently in my life I am fighting tooth and nail to be able to start living my life under the principles you mention. It's the hardest thing I ever did but IMO it's worth fighting that battle.

[refurb]

Oh I’m certainly not telling you it’s a solution or that it’s easy (and I think you get that). It’s just what has worked for me (based on my own perceptions).

[long_time_gone]

> Often what we value most in the future are the experiences of the past.

Thank you for this phrase.

[stonemetal12]

>Reminding yourself of everything you could lose drives some appreciation for what you have, whatever it is.

Does that actually work for some people? Thinking about loss usually gives me a dragon like need to hoard, and guard the hoard.

[refurb]

My phrasing was poor. And again, I’m not a “stoicism is the answer” type person, I’ve just noticed an overlap of my own thoughts and what stoicism offers.

It’s not so much reminding yourself of everything you could lose. It’s more like “hey my friends wife’s got cancer and might die from it”.

Instead of saying “I feel bad for them and lucky it wasn’t me” the thought is “that could have just as easily been me” and “that could be me next year”.

It’s the realization that you’re not special. All the maladies that afflict your peers could just as easily afflict you.

That attitude definitely helps to clarify priorities. When you partner says “let’s go out for breakfast” instead of saying “we can do that another day, I have a meeting”, you decide to go because who knows what tomorrow brings?

[jdavis703]

Yes, but I think it’s wrong to think of it in terms of material loss — thinking what would happen if you lost your 401(k) balance isn’t going to make you happier. But thinking what would happen if you lost your important relationships or material things that bring you particular joy (a house, a car, an espresso machine, etc).