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It's tough but the toughest part you're encountering is the newness of it. When my mom was diagnosed I was a wreck. Then it evened out a bit and now that she's nearing the end, I'm a wreck again. There's an emotional pointedness to these types of things that dulls a bit with time. I would say just be with her and help out where you can, be normal, do normal things (as much as possible), chat. Maybe cook some food to help out, pick up the house, etc. Even though my mom can't eat much anymore, I've been taking food for my dad, trying to keep his energy up, doing dishes, small stuff like that along with the occasional big task. I hope treatment can bring remission for your mother but you should know now that if it doesn't or if it doesn't last, cancer will rob her of her dignity in a very ugly way and you should prepare yourself for that. At the same time stay hopeful. My mom got much longer than I thought she would when first diagnosed. Anyways, think about what you would want if you were confronting what your mom is. Probably after the shock wore off you'd realize you wanted meaningful experiences. Not necessarily big, just meaningful. A trip to a bucketlist location can be meaningful but so can a sleepy day spent inside or a surprise visit. >But its life I suppose and we have to accept it and learn to deal with it. I am just learning to , and am looking for some direction here, so I can do my best to balance a job and take care of my family through this time. Well if the balance has to change a bit then it has to change, that's really all there is to it frankly. You just have to be honest with yourself about it. It's okay to cry in the parking lot, just give yourself a few minutes, blow your nose, wipe up your eyes and then you go in and do the job. Or if you need time off to care for her, then take it. Anyways the thing about life is you don't have to do anything except live it and it's the same for death too. You'll figure out your own way through it as will your mom. One last thing, don't feel guilty about doing other things, going out to the bar and having a good time or seeing a sports game or all that normal stuff. It'll help you a lot and it'll help your mom worry a little less about you, plus it gives you something interesting to talk about. She's going to be living in cancer world for a while and she'll get sick of talking so much about it. Anyways my situation may be drastically different from yours. But since you're coming here you're probably struggling with some degree of self-doubt about how to handle this, don't worry because you obviously love your mother and so you'll find the ability to do what you have to. And it's all still fresh so be easy on yourself now - you may have to be hard on yourself later. I wish your mother all the luck in the world with her treatment. |
That really resonates with me. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a few months ago. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions. Now we've settled into the treatment phase; her quality of life improved noticeably from treatment with little in the way of serious side effects, so life is good again. But there is that undercurrent, we know it won't last forever. At some point the treatment will probably stop being effective enough and then everything is going to go pear shaped again.
I wish you the best in what you're going through.