[enriquto]

> I would worry for months before every presentation, then basically get physically sick for weeks before, and take some weeks more to recover.

That was exactly me. Fortunately, my PhD advisor noticed the trend and solved it in a severe but functional way. Starting from my second year, I was assigned to teach calculus to first-year computer science undergrads (three groups of about 80 students each). It was absolutely terrifying. At the beginning I vomited, had diarrhea, anxiety, the whole pack. But since the schedule was so intense, somehow my body got used to it. After a couple of months, I had become desensitized to it, and actually started enjoying it.

It may be unusual, but my advisor coached me quite well on how to teach, and that helped me a lot. A couple of days before my first class, he asked me how was it going, and I told him that it was quite bad... then he asked me casually if I had already prepared my first class (of course, I had spent the entire summer preparing for it!), and to remind him what was it about, since it had been a few years since he last taught it. Then I told him the whole contents of the first session in about 20 minutes, even reaching for the blackboard to write a couple of formulas. After that, I said "the way I'm going to explain all that is...", and he cut me: "no! forget about your preparation. The informal explanation you just gave is actually a good first class, just repeat it a bit slowly and call it a day". I knew he was fucking with me just to calm me down, but this actually gave me a confidence boost.

When I had to speak at my first somewhat major conference venue, I had similar concerns, and he told me "remember the first course you taught? do exactly the same thing: explain your stuff to fellow scientists as you would do if you found them by the coffee machine".

> But I feel I'm missing a part of life by it.

Surely not! If you really don't like speaking in public, it's alright. There's plenty of other things that you are not doing, and that are not either "a part of life". Nobody can do everything.

[wolverine876]

> "no! forget about your preparation. The informal explanation you just gave is actually a good first class, just repeat it a bit slowly and call it a day". I knew he was fucking with me just to calm me down, but this actually gave me a confidence boost.

I don't understand why that's 'fucking with you'. Isn't that good, sincere advice?

[smitty1e]

One can quibble about the word choice, but the simple truth is that human interactions very frequently involve some sort of conscious/unconscious manipulation.

So one is better off to interact with people who are decent at that activity and seeking to build us.

Had my boss just yesterday close the office door and gently chide me about interrupting other people on the call. Best rebuke I've had in years.

[realityking]

I fondly remember the CMO taking me aside after I gave a presentation at a Company town hall (startup, ~300 people) and gently telling me I just made myself and the Marketing department look incompetent. I’m not completely bought into the whole radical candor thing but this was a great example of it working.

[geoduck14]

Was there and advice or direction associated with this talk?

[realityking]

Yeah, there was direct advice on communication style in this conversation. Just very candidly delivered.

[mromanuk]

Sounds sincere to me

[enriquto]

Yeah, in retrospect I agree it is good advice but I did not understand that immediately. Still, it helped me to see that teaching or giving talks should not be a "performance" but a honest act of communication.

[avg_dev]

This is a great story and I think well of your PhD advisor.