[DistressedDrone]

It's literally a therapist's job to help you figure this out, I don't want to undermine this.

Please speak to a professional, you are not alone.

In the meantime, here are some of my own "no bullshit mantras" I found comforting in similar times, mostly from Zen Bhuddism :

* You are not supposed to be anywhere. Your only real obligation is to be you, now.

* There is no "better" version of you now. There is no other way to be you now. In fact, there is no other way to be, but to be what you are.

* What you are is beautiful, no matter who you are. I don't mean the Aguilera song, I mean it's literally a miracle that you're here now.

* Everything is as it is. There's no point in feeling guilty for things being the way they are, rather than the way you or someone else would have them. In a world where time only flows one way, every "ought" is an illusion.

If you like these ideas, I highly recommend meditation, such ideas are much easier to contemplate with a calm mind. I hear Alan Watts has good talks about this available on Youtube. Mindfulness meditation has also been associated with improvements in mental health (you can find many studies about this on Google Scholar).

[blindmute]

This is such a horrible and dangerous ideology. To tell someone stuck in a rut that the rut is perfect and just where they need to be? I couldn't think of a more harmful message. OP has turned himself into a person he doesn't want to be. The solution is to change himself, not to accept that being alone and empty and unattractive is actually normal and beautiful. That's the kind of thing you say to people with no hope to make them feel better, not something you give as advice to a healthy young man who has all the potential in the world to come out of his shell.

To OP and anyone in his situation, please do not get sucked into this thought pattern. It's very easy to convince yourself that simply not changing anything is the answer; not changing is easy and wouldn't it be great if I could take the soma pill and be content with my circumstances as they are? You know this is bullshit, so don't allow yourself to do it.

[DistressedDrone]

You think the OP has never heard this before? This is the attitude that creates the guilt that weighs people down in the first place.

You, like most people, are talking about the future. I'm sure you're about the 1000th person telling this person to turn their life around. But this future is a projection, it's imaginary, whereas the pain is very real in the present moment. So start with the present.

[HKH2]

Yet for him to change himself for the good, he at least has to come to terms with what he is, without so much dependence on how others see him.

Some parts of what make up the rut are seemingly necessary parts of life. You can at least accept and build from them.

[thx]

34 & living at home = not d best :P but I liked this comment a lot & really like Zen Buddhism (& mediration, for me, a must.)

https://terebess.hu/zen/mesterek/Zen-Mind.pdf

You’re still suuper young & have much life yet to enjoy. Get through this funk / these strange times & do what you can to keep your head up :)

[AdrianB1]

This stuff works only when you fully understand it; that means when you are over 40 and you don't need advice because you have some life experience. It's a catch 22.

[DistressedDrone]

Could be. I hope the intent is still encouraging!

[GeoAtreides]

> There is no "better" version of you now.

I mean, if someone is fat and unhealthy, then sure is a better version of them. If someone has wishes, goals and plans for themselves, then there is a better version of them, when they achieved everything they wanted.

If it's not, then why try to improve yourself? If you are the best you ever were, then why try to reach for a higher purpose?

As an eastern European, this kind of saccharine mantras feel like self defeating, toxic positivity, ambitionless kind of things. The western people do like them, for some reason.

[strgcmc]

Not the person you're replying to, but I wanted to offer a perspective that might bridge what you see as a gap in philosophies.

The "future you", the one that is healthier (i.e. literally from a medical perspective, not just perception), can only exist if you make choices today that enable progress towards that future state. In other words, the current you, the unhealthy you, already contains the seed of what is necessary to become the future you. Perhaps all you need is a conducive environment, so you can blossom; a seed requires water and fertile soil, but the seed is the one doing the work. You might need to find some water (most metaphorically, but sometimes literally: lots of people are just dehydrated and it contributes to low energy or lethargy), or a different soil to plant yourself in (different city, different job, different friends, etc.), but it is you who does the work to allow yourself to germinate, to bloom.

The point of thinking like this, is to avoid disassociating the future you, to avoid thinking of that person as somehow different from or "other-than" your current you. People already get discouraged enough by looking at the glossy and fake Instagram influencers around them; what a tragedy it would be to let your present self get discouraged by your future self!

You are already that person. You are already worthy.

[DistressedDrone]

The other commenter takes this somewhere interesting, but to me the main point is to not get trapped by guilt. That's why I say "you now" and not just "you". I'm not implying that you're the best you ever were, only that guilt (or pride) does nothing to change what you are in the present.

In other words, it's okay to just be you. In fact, the world is only better for it if you can live without guilt. Achievement and ambition are much less real to me.