[TomSwirly]

> Don't allow other people to control your feelings.

1. You offer this as an excuse for profound hostility and rudeness from someone in a position of power.

2. Every human has buttons that can be pressed and you are no exception.

3. Bullying behavior by someone who has power over others logically causes fear in the target of the bullying.

4. Bullying works. That's why people do it, even though it's a cheat. You are literally blaming the victim.

"Don't allow other people to control your feelings" as a response to a man with a career of bullying shows a profound and perhaps pathological contempt for the well-being of others.

[WalterBright]

It isn't blaming the victim any more than taking a self-defense class is blaming the victim.

Nor is it making excuses for bullies any more than locking your door at night is excusing thieves.

[jolux]

I mean you said that behavior that offends is partially the fault of the person taking offense, I don’t understand how that’s not blaming the victim here. Having a thick skin is important but I question your priorities when your response to somebody not wanting to be woken up by a screaming phone call at 3am is “there’s no crying in baseball.”

[WalterBright]

> you said that behavior that offends is partially the fault of the person taking offense

I did not say that. Please read more carefully.

[jolux]

> It takes two to make an offense - one to give offense, the other to take offense. Don't take offense, and there is no offense.

What else does this mean?

[WalterBright]

It does not mean the offendee is responsible for the behavior of the offender.

It means the offendee is responsible for the offendee's reaction.

Very, very different.

[jolux]

That’s true, but something should also be done to correct the behavior of the offender, which is what I think most of this thread is talking about.