[tomcam]

Your user name scares me a little. Of course it’s not strange that you hate all of this (I really like the job myself but I can certainly understand why you might not like it).

With respect, you’re making contradictory statements. If you’re actually teetering on the edge of suicide, it’s time to quit. During hard times in my life when I’ve had to make these decisions, I have literally regarded them as a matter of survival. I am in one of those inflection points myself, as a matter fact. Right now my health is so bad that I’ve told my wife that to get my blood sugar and weight to a healthy level may require that we sell the house because I may not be able to keep my easy-to-run business running. That’s how astoundingly difficult it is for me to lose weight. (Admittedly we have a farm right nearby we can move into, but it will be, well, a bit rustic and very unfinished.) So I get it.

It might be time for you to go back to living with a few roommates and returning to some mindnumbing low pressure job or even moving back in with family members, if that is at all feasible. These are unpleasant solutions, but they are probably better than dying of a heart attack or killing yourself. This will give you time to design a new approach to your life.

[mousepilot]

man I second this notion. IT can suck the life out of you in some jobs, other jobs are simply joyous, and one situation can turn into another just by the luck of some random hire who now sits above you in the pecking order.

For folks who want to "tune out" for a bit, getting a non IT job can do it, but we do get used to the pay and I know each time for me, the paycut is "noticeable" to say the least. For me, getting/being a roomie helped loads with the money.

Software is beautiful and dancing with complexity ranks amongst some of my favorite experiences, its the people, man, especially the bosses, I've had both treasured mentors and terrible monsters and it seems to be completely random and ever changing. Its never killed my affection for the art of computer programming tho, everytime I've taken time off from IT, I've started my own programming project or two, and pretend I'm more talented than I am, because honestly computers to me are like the greatest toy ever!

I wish everyone the best of luck!

[goodbyeworld37]

Sorry, name was a poor choice. I did not mean it in a suicidal way, more of a just a play on “hello world” for a quick throwaway name.

[tomcam]

Relieved, thanks! My best on your journey.

[ensiferum]

You need to look into insulin resistance and how to fix it. Key words intermittent fasting. look for Dr. Eric Berg Dr Jason Fung and Dr Benjamin Bikman on YT.

[tomcam]

Already doing all that stuff, got my numbers way down! Blood glucose averages about 102 from 188 the last 8 weeks, weight down 30 lbs. And thanks. I was exaggerating a tiny bit for O.P. I literally was in that position within the last month. I seem to be over the hump but I am still ready to give up the house should I fall back into a long decline, as addicts can.

P.S. for me intermittent fasting turns out to be absolutely irrelevant to my blood glucose. What does work amazingly well is ruthlessly deleting most but not all carbs from my diet. Incredibly, my carb cravings have greatly subsided for the first time in 50 years. I imagine this could change but that’s what works now.