[sergiosgc]

> You can also have default responses to buy time: "Thank you, that's a great question" gives them a nice compliment and buys you 5 seconds to think.

It's also important to realize that you don't need to buy time as much as you think you do. When in the spotlight, people tend to think they need to react quickly under penalty of seeming insecure. It's false. You can take a few seconds to prepare an answer and it still seems natural, even projecting an aura of confidence.

If you need more time than normal to prepare an answer, lay out your reasoning as you prepare it. Have some verbal crutches ready. These work well to buy you a dozen seconds:

- "Let me find an example that demonstrates this"

- "How do I explain this without being too technical?"

- "It's a complex issue, let me try to break it down"

[mindcrime]

It's also important to realize that you don't need to buy time as much as you think you do. When in the spotlight, people tend to think they need to react quickly under penalty of seeming insecure. It's false. You can take a few seconds to prepare an answer and it still seems natural, even projecting an aura of confidence.

I would add that you can take a lot more time than you probably think you can, as long as you "own it" properly. If you get asked a hard question, the audience will probably realize it's a hard question. I would have no problem standing there for 30 seconds or more, saying absolutely nothing in some cases. But I would say the key is to not act anxious, nervous, or scared in that case. Just try to convey the sense that you're a sharp, qualified person, who has just been asked a Really Hard Question and needs time to ponder it.

You can do that by not fidgeting, and by controlled mannerisms: look up and out into space, but in an obviously conscious manner... or chew your bottom lip a little and furrow your brow... or steeple your hands and look at your hands while also having a furrowed brow, etc. There are other ways to communicate what I'm getting at, so just experiment. What you don't want is a "deer in the headlights" look, or that stereotypical "blank expression" that conveys "I have no clue what's going on right now."

The key point is, you don't have to have an immediate answer to every question. Pauses and silence are OK, to a point.

[Syonyk]

If you have a beard, thoughtfully stroking it works too.

I joke it's the Windows 98 hourglass cursor of personal interactions - they can't tell if you're thinking, or have just locked up with no hope of continuing.

Pauses and silence are OK, to a point.

Absolutely. And you will, in almost every case, come across as more intelligent if you're silent while thinking, than if you try to fill space with content-free filler. It can't go on forever, but 20 seconds of silence is far better (and far more useful to put a response together) than 20 seconds of "lips in neutral" noise.

[weird-eye-issue]

30 seconds saying nothing would be way, way too long. People would begin to think you are having a panic attack or something.

[mindcrime]

I would agree that 30 seconds is getting towards the upper end of what you can pull off. But I believe that it can be done, if you manage your body language, hand gestures, facial expressions, etc. properly. Now if somebody stood there for 30 seconds doing the "blank expression" thing, then yeah, it's starting to get awkward for everyone.

Anyway, here's a thought: make a game out of it. Next time you're speaking in a group setting and this comes up, (when it's a situation where nothing of substance is at stake), try and see how long a pause you can engineer before somebody starts doing the "intentional cough" thing, or says "are you OK?" or whatever. Maybe do it a few times and see what you can work up to. Maybe 30 seconds is a bit more than can be managed. And to be fair, it's probably context / audience dependent to some degree as well.

[agustif]

The problem is not so much the uncomfortableness of it, but if you stop speaking for 30secs half your audience will be already fidgeting their magic infinte scroll glass slabs TM to try and entertain their minds / fill the void...

Smartphones are great conversation killers, lol

[isochronous]

One of the first things that made me realize this was watching an old interview with Steve Jobs. He'd be asked a question, and would just sit there, totally silent, for maybe 10-15 seconds, and it was obvious that he was pondering the question in order to give a well thought-out answer. Since seeing that, I've made more of an effort to actually ponder questions, rather than trying to give the quickest answer I can, and people seem to response well to doing that.