[NikolaNovak]

OR... they are being respectful of author's experience, decision , life and feelings, and will discuss public things publicly and private things privately.

No matter in which venue my team members bring up their personal issues and difficulties, I will discuss project/work things publicly, and reach out to them on a personal level to support and inquire privately. Even when they choose to make some of their experience public, it is not necessarily my right, nor the appropriate / productive thing to do, to make it a free-for-all public debate.

I think it's the correct, professional, honorable, decent, respectful approach. What should they have done instead - started a flame work on whether the authors experience was real, decision was justified, start going into nitty gritties of each specific infarction... you know, exactly the stuff we're seeing develop in this thread - all of it indubitably further contributing to the author's stress? :-/

[iSnow]

>What should they have done instead - started a flame work on whether the authors experience was real

Mention something like "OK, this is an issue we must discuss, are you free to have a call now or later about the issue?"

Like every organization would handle it if they have some crisis management skills. To give the person who felt mobbed a voice, things like that.

[neltnerb]

Yeah, you do not need a reason and you do not owe the community a lengthy conversation about whether your emotions are valid. You're a volunteer. It's great if other people there reach out for support, but ultimately it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks their experience was real or if their response is reasonable.

Explaining your emotional response when you've been dealing with this kind of thing for an extended period of time is harmful to yourself and I don't think it's remotely fair to complain about them not doing that first. Step one is to keep yourself safe and emotionally healthy. Usually when people get to this point they need at least months before they're even comfortable discussing it privately again, this sounds like it's been going on for a while.

If the organization wants to discuss things on their own they can feel free but including the person who basically says "I'm out" and insisting that they participate if they care about it changing is harassment too, and a recipe for people who have been seriously upset to just get ignored when they refuse to enumerate every instance of behavior that bothered them and have them picked apart by strangers.