[ccmonnett]

You need to scold your children.

That's a metaphor - of course you shouldn't treat your reports like children. But if they possess the following attitude, it's on you as the manager to let them know that it's not an acceptable practice on your team.

> they seem to take an attitude that if they hit something they don't already know, it's perfectly reasonable to stop progressing it and just declare they need help

This advice doesn't stand on its own; you'll need both more specific tactics and a broader strategy for dealing with the situation (providing tooling or scaffolding for improving their behavior). But the fact of the matter is that everything else you do for them won't matter if you condone this behavior - which you are, by allowing it to keep happening.

PS I am an engineer-turned-manager and this is easily the least favorite part of the job for me as I get used to it. But it is ultimately your responsibility to do so, and you are impeding your own ability to improve as a manager the longer you resist doing it.

[zmmmmm]

thanks! (not just to you, but the other reply-ers).

Yes it is quite the learning exercise to get used to all of this and know where to be drawing lines, when to reinforce boundaries and when to let things go. What I am realising is that my threshold for giving direct feedback is way too high. I keep trying, instinctively to achieve outcomes indirectly - but way too often it doesn't work or even backfires and breeds more of the behavior I don't want.

I really appreciate having your thoughts!