[_kblcuk_]

> So I started calling people… and quickly discovered that a lot of them have a call phobia, as if human interactions were toxic. > Not in the sense that they’d be busy and would call me later. But in the sense that they wouldn’t pick up, only to text me 5 seconds later to start the conversation. If I tried to call them back, same thing again. They don’t want to talk, they want to text.

Problem with phone calls is that they are synchronous, yet quite often things callers want to resolve can be resolved asynchronously (= via text messages & emails), but you can handle those when it's convenient.

So at least I'm glad that most of my contacts send me messages in whichever messenger is convenient. We can always agree to call each other if we feel like it will be more convenient, but then it's a much different feeling then just randomly calling. Also personally 100% of "random calls" I got within last 3 years were telemarketers, so guess how often I answer the phone :-D

Edit: in general I agree strongly that dropping off social networks and in general reducing notifications noise to a minimum (and not only on smart phone but everywhere) does wonders, strongly recommend.

[dgellow]

> a lot of them have a call phobia

Yep, that's me. I hate phone calls. I don't see phone calls as a natural human interaction at all and they make me really uncomfortable. I never pick up my phone but am almost always available for text messages.

No issues with video call or face to face chat though, so that's not that I find human interactions toxic. But phone calls are something I hate to do. They somehow feel too intrusive and too intimate.

[angryasian]

Thats really interesting to me as a gen x'er. Grew up largely before the internet was a thing. I'm in the complete opposite opinion. I find face chat to be intrusive and too intimate. For what could simply handled over voice, no need to see my face or surroundings.

We live largely on zoom these days, and less and less people have their cameras on and they are more like voice calls. I really don't see the difference between this and a phone call

[blaser-waffle]

Same. Multinational company, no one uses face / camera unless we need to. Uses up more bandwidth, and calls with China or Brazil are already flakey enough as it is.

Face chat is for friends and family; for business I don't want or need to see your face.

[kitsunesoba]

In comparison to calls, texts/messages also bring the tangible benefit of giving more space for one to compose and better conduct their thoughts. This is true even when the people involved are actively messaging each other — it's fine to delay a message for a few minutes whereas in a call there's constant pressure to speak to avoid awkward silence and keep the conversation flowing.

Of course people don't always capitalize fully on this but I think it's a major reason why messaging has come to be preferred over calls.

[jotux]

I prefer texting/chat because of the traceability, especially for work. The chat history is a type of decision log for me, and I really appreciate being able to go back and review or search for conversations.

[_kblcuk_]

Oh yes, also that! My colleague was rather frustrated with apartment repair crew he had to deal with. Everything was handled via phone calls, none of the construction folk kept any papertrail whatsoever on who agreed to what (obviously), as a result >70% of things agreed either were completely forgotten, or mis-implemented, or implemented weeks later than they should have.

[PikachuEXE]

+1

Cannot remember every detail when the decision conversation is done via phone call / meeting. I can only rely on written details.

[dmortin]

> Problem with phone calls is that they are synchronous, yet quite often things callers want to resolve can be resolved asynchronously (= via text messages & emails), but you can handle those when it's convenient.

Very true. The OP doesn't understand phone calls interrupt people most of the time unnecessarily. I like texts and emails, because I can process them whenever it's convenient for me, not when it's convenient for the other person.

[pc86]

If you call me and I don't answer, but text shortly after, and you call me again, you're just being a jerk.

[unethical_ban]

If you don't answer the phone simply due to conversation anxiety, that is not normal and it should be worked on.

But yes, if someone doesn't answer and then starts a text, it should be assumed/checked whether they're busy.

[ggggtez]

If calling on the phone is not part of your social connection with other people (and obviously, here it wasn't) then I think it makes sense.

Consider how most people communicate now a days. A call is only for long conversations. No one is expecting to receive a call without a reason, out of the blue. I could certainly imagine people texting back, confused about what their friend wanted to talk about, and whether they could answer in a quick text instead.

That's not anxiety, it's just practical. No one is expecting you to call just to say "hi", they assume there must be some sort of problem that you want to talk about in depth.

[unethical_ban]

My statement is opinionated, and I suffer from call anxiety myself (dealing with appointments and what to say to people if I'm setting something up).

It is my opinion that it is unhealthy, and that people should be aware of that and do more to be less unhealthy when it comes to social interaction.

[chownie]

> If you don't answer the phone simply due to conversation anxiety, that is not normal and it should be worked on.

I think it should be worked on if the person in question would rather have an easier time talking on the phone. Otherwise I'm not sure I agree.

I'm autistic and phonecalls are a nightmare given ambiguous social signalling over who begins speaking and when. Thankfully at this stage in the game most people contact me via some other communication method, the only calls I get are scammers.

[nicky0]

The problem I have with this is the implication that the only valid reason not to want to talk on the phone is "being busy". Maybe they just don't want to talk to you right now. Take the hint!

[ryandrake]

They’re not busy + can’t accept a phone call + are happy to text? This doesn’t add up at all to me!

I’m the opposite. I tend not to text. Most of my friends and family know this and call. When someone does text me, I remind them gently that I’m not willing to sit there trying to type on a tiny screen to have a mediocre conversation with them when they can just call me instead. I say it in a nicer way of course. It’s never a problem! I guess I’m just old but it looks like the default is shifting towards texting lately. No offense to the texters, but it’s just not my thing.

[nicky0]

I'm with you in that I refuse to have a back-and-forth conversation via text.

And most of the time, I love to have a phone conversation.

But, the mental state is not always there for it. I may may be in a low mood, or emotionally exhausted, or a host of other reasons why a voice conversation would not be ideal right now. When I talk to a friend I like to be able to engage with them and give them my best. Sometimes, it's just not the time.

So in such a case I would prefer to speak to them later, perhaps the next day after a good night's sleep. It shouldn't be a big deal unless someone makes it into one.

[ravenstine]

So many people treat texts like they're synchronous, though. Haven't you ever had people send you follow-up texts half an hour after the first one to "remind" you to reply? I've found this to be really common.

[Jtsummers]

Politely remind them, when you do get around to following up, that unless it's critically urgent (in which case they should call) you will only respond when you can. Which is not always immediately since you have other obligations (work or family) or may be involved in a task where you can't (commuting, when we did that sort of thing).

[blamestross]

Keepalive pings don't stop them from being async. Every async system has latency/wait-time limitations before a retry is attempted.

[hawski]

What I found better than calls, at least with my wife, is Zello - a walkie-talkie-over-IP-app. What seems to work for me is that the talk over it feels natural. Like you're shouting something from other room. It is synchronous and asynchronous at the same time. I respond when I can, there is no call hanging, the conversation is stretched in hours and it naturally fills gaps when we don't see each other.

[dorkwood]

Calling a person on the phone is a rude act at its core.

I think it was Stephen Fry who once said a phone call is like a person bursting into your room yelling "Talk to me now! Talk to me now! Talk to me now!" We wouldn't stand for that in any other circumstance, but when it happens through a phone it becomes socially acceptable.

[irrational]

At home we have a landline and I'll often call people on that. It doesn't have any way to receive text messages. It seems to me like there needs to be a universal way to indicate whether a given phone number has the ability to receive texts or not. I'm now wondering how many people I've called, who didn't pick up, tried to text me back at that number and thought I was ignoring their texts.

[kjakm]

In the UK you can (sort of) text a landline. It's been a while since I've done it but I think the person receives it as a call and then an automated voice reads the message.

[rahoulb]

Plus for the most part you can distinguish between mobile (07) and non-mobile (everything else) numbers (although VOIP numbers mess with that a bit).

[angryasian]

I find texting to be one of the worst forms of communication for anything other than short Q&A type communication. Maybe writing letters is a lost art form, like in the past but this was out of necessity more than anything. Emoji's don't replace hearing of a person's voice or reactions to what a person is saying.

Text is too often misconstrued and again emoj's don't solve this problem. The fact that emoji speak even exists is really odd to me, but I guess thats an "ok boomer" for me.

[jjav]

Agreed. Text messages are great for very short immediate ping messages, like "I'm here" when I drove to pick someone up. But for anything that takes more than about 5 words, please send me an email instead.

[splithalf]

People call when they want something. If I wanted something, I would be the one to initiate the call.