[macspoofing]

Let's say the school failed miserably in notifying the parent about this kid (and that's not settled fact, the school claims they did, but for argument's sake let's assume they didn't)...SO WHAT??? How does that absolve the parent of responsibility? How could this parent not be aware what her kid has been doing all these years? She didn't bother looking at his report card even once(the web portal is open to all parents)? Didn't bother meeting one of his teachers even once? Who is ultimately responsible for raising this kid? School or the parent?

[jdavis703]

The report said the parent was working three jobs. I don’t know how we can expect someone like this to be a good parent. The blame here at least partly goes to a system that doesn’t provide all parents with the resources to raise successful children.

[macspoofing]

It's the system's fault. It's society's fault. It's the school board's fault. It's the school's fault. It's the teacher's fault. Who else's fault is it?

[brnt]

The only thing at fault is the cultural need to isolate fault.

We've created a society, a system far too complex for such simple attributions. You're only fooling yourself if you blame any one of those parties.

A whole system analysis and solution is the only way to make meaningful progress.

[richwater]

Everyone but the parents

[umvi]

I think the argument is yes it's the parents' fault. But that's not something we can directly fix. We can directly fix school budgets and stuff so that's what gets the blame. How do you fix broken families from a government perspective?

[lurquer]

Abolish divorce, criminalize adultery, castrate men who knock up women out of wedlock...

Something less drastic?

How about this..

Look at this thread. You’ll read all kinds of excuses for and blame of the mother.

Yet nobody mentioned the father.

A father — under our system — faces no penalty for neglecting a child. None. In a custody order where the mother has primary, the father has NO OBLIgATION to see the kid.

This is so engrained in our culture that, like I said, the thread doesn’t even mention a father...

[rayiner]

Harsh but true. The social damage caused by normalizing the notion that fathers don’t need to raise their kids is truly monumental.

[nate_meurer]

That is interesting.

In this case, it's quite possible the father is in prison.

[umvi]

Yeah, it's messed up, I agree. Not sure how you can force the father to help, especially if the father is also a teen. Maybe flip a coin at the child's birth, heads the mother is 100% responsible, tails the father is 100% responsible. Maybe then we would have an equal number of single fathers raising kids as single mothers.

[SamPatt]

Maybe we shouldn't be expecting the government to solve every problem in society, and the fact that we have this expectation might actually be making the problems worse by not allowing other non-governmental forces to play out?

[mlyle]

Yah. Because these broken families are going to produce more broken students next generation. The only option is to fix the system somehow.

[why_Mr_Anderson]

I think we should blame Canada! from South Park movie for those who didn't get the reference, it's scary how relevant it still is

[pvaldes]

> I don’t know how we can expect someone like this to be a good parent.

You either are or not. My bet would be that the parent is fully aware, but ashamed and in denial about the situation.

A busy mother is still a mother. Should know when their son is lying. She could be tricked for a month, for one year maybe, but when 4 entire years passed and she claims that didn't suspected anything... either she barely talks in the dinner with the boy about his day or she carefully circumnavigated the theme and don't really wanted to know the details of his education.

And some parents just don't like the school system. I know a case of a divorced mother that deliberately boycotted the education of her daughter repeatedly asking her to be at home so she didn't feel alone. The outraged school wanted to do a point and the truant girl had to repeated several years, with the same outcome and less effort put on it each year. Everybody, was relieved when she eventually reached the legal age, was dumped from the school, show the middle finger to everybody and keep with their former life (Partied hard, socialized a lot, found a partner and married). We could say that she is doing fine, in fact.

[cannabis_sam]

>You either are or not.

This is a lie you tell yourself to be able to continue to look down on people.

In the real world, people are affected by their circumstances, regardless of whether they have the ability to change them.

[pvaldes]

> This is a lie you tell yourself to be able to... (unrelated bad thing, you should be ashamed, blah, blah, blah...).

Not, this is a dichotomy covering all the possible outcomes, thus can't be a lie, by definition.

Some people are good parents, other are terrible at parenthood. Where is the lie in my statement? There are millions of examples.

If your son failed the school for four years, failed in ALL classes, didn't learn anything in your face, and you are clueless about that, don't blame other people. You have a responsibility in this train crash. You must calm down, do damage control and exercise more the communication part in your parenthood. You can be busy and tired, but this is no excuse for not showing the slighest interest for your boy's life, future plans, interests, or education. Not at this level.

Being a good parent is more than being just a food providing machine.

[RhysU]

Not looking at a report card for multiple years is not a resource issue.

[Alupis]

The system did provide the resources to raise successful children. This parent chose to ignore all of it.

Parents have to care for a child to do well (or even mediocre) in school. A child isn't going to choose to do difficult homework in lieu of video games if left up to their own choices.

If we examined the parent's school grades, we'd probably find a similarity, unfortunately. Same with the parent's parents. All this ultimately leads to working 3+ low-skill/low-education jobs just to keep a roof over your head. Every statistic about high school graduation rates firmly says so.

[t-writescode]

> the web portal is open to all parents

... you even assume that the family has internet at home...

[jonas21]

In the first 60 seconds of the video you can see:

- The mom holding an iPhone 12

- Her son playing video games on a large TV then pulling a smartphone out of his pocket.

I think it's reasonable to assume they have internet access, at the very least through their phones.

It's fine to challenge someone's assumptions, but it kind of feels like you're trying to pull a "gotcha" that doesn't apply in this case.

[cameldrv]

If you meet a poverty threshold, you can get a free government subsidized phone including internet.

[macspoofing]

You got to be kidding me.

[t-writescode]

I don't think you even begin to comprehend the beginnings of an idea of the poverty that some people in the United States live in.

In Florida, my mom taught students whose homes *didn't even have floors*.

[VRay]

I think a lot of the people here just don't understand how overwhelmed/exhausted people in serious poverty are. In the USA, with enough gumption and know-how it's theoretically possible to get government-provided internet/food/health care and work your way up to a decent career.

BUT that's a very challenging process, and we should still have compassion for people who haven't managed to pull it off yet.

(I have no input on the specifics of this situation though, just trying to provide some context)

[ALittleLight]

I recently helped an unemployed friend with getting healthcare. It was actually incredibly easy and took maybe thirty minutes start to finish - where "start" was "Do you know if I can get health insurance through this program?" And "finish" was having good health insurance with active coverage confirmed on the phone with papers about to be mailed.

[nate_meurer]

Per a sibling comment, this lady has an expensive iPhone. And floors.