[verst]

> Compared to tinder, bumble has more serious people looking to date. The system is set up so girls message first and matches will expire after 24 hr. When a girl messages you first, she is already more invested in getting to you know than when a guy using a cheesy pickup line on tinder.

This is an overly optimistic take that I cannot confirm.

The first messages received on Bumble are either "hey/hi" or a GIF that is typically a waving bear with the word "hello". That is despite profile text and images with dozens of things that could spark a conversation or question. In fact, most people never read my thoughtfully crafted profile - there certainly is no investment in getting to know me. Instead my reply is expected to be creative/funny or the conversation will end, essentially making this conversation no different from Tinder. In my experience the typical Bumble user in major metro areas wants to date, but not with long term in mind. If that isn't important to you, fair enough. As an aside, I also find that Bumble has less diversity than other apps - racially, socioeconomically etc

Given Tinder and Bumble I vastly preferred Tinder. Tinder has far more users of every kind of background with every imaginable kind of intention. The key is to be intentional in your profile or your first messages about what you are looking for and move on if it is a mismatch. I know how to identify a Tinder profile that is a good mutual match for me, but I definitely will get tendonitis from swiping left in the process of locating such a profile. If you save your free daily super like for that person and assuming you are introspective enough to accurately assess whether this person will be interested in you you have a high chance of being seen and matching.

If you would like to date seriously without it feeling forced or desperate I highly recommend Coffee Meets Bagel (if you are in an area where this app is being used). It never takes me long to find someone wonderful there that makes me want to quit all apps.

In my experience, no matter what you are looking for, Bumble isn't your best choice for any of those things.

[nikanj]

Their whole pitch is "Tinder, except women get to make the moves". Alas, it seems the most popular play for women is punting the ball back to the men's side of the field.

[elliekelly]

And what do you think the most popular opening message from men is? In my experience it’s usually some version of “hey”, “hi”, “hello” if you’re lucky. Or something slightly more creative but crass/disgusting if you’re not.

I don’t think it’s fair to characterize it as “women punting the ball back” so much as it’s just not usually worth the effort for a lot of people — no matter their gender — to think of something more original to say.

I don’t know why people complain about it though. It seems like the perfect way to really stand out in the crowd. Everyone wants to be recognized as a unique individual and when your inbox is full of “hey” all the way down then a message from someone who took the time to get to know you a bit is definitely going to be opened and replied to more often.

[mikevm]

Women tend to write things like "be more original than saying hi" or "I don't respond to 'hi'", but when the shoe is on the other foot, they send a "hi" anyway.

[raverbashing]

Men answer like this because of bots/spammers. Nobody is going to message something serious first

And every conversation starts with a hello. Sure, if it gets boring after then it's a diff issue

[stouset]

Men answer like this for the same reason women do: it requires essentially no effort.

Bots are generally easy to spot. Coming up with something at least semi-relevant the person’s profile is not much harder than a “hey” for the type of person who shows enough personality on their profile to be interesting in the first place.

Your success rate will easily shoot up 5x from the baseline of “hey” by saying something even remotely interesting.

[raverbashing]

Women could also answer first, if they were interested

[conformist]

Yes, but the slightly increased effort for the woman still adds value in my experience, due to the weird asymmetries in average (western?) human behaviour. The male user can assume that she is at least somewhat interested and he doesn't need to come up with a spammy/funny line to elicit interest.

[exolymph]

Women on dating sites are looking for reasons to disqualify prospects because there are too many. Men are in the opposite situation.

[oxygenjoe]

In 2017 when I was single I got vastly more matches and responses when I changed my bio from actual information to a stupid joke about phil collins

[randycupertino]

Geeze man, you can't post this and then not tell us the Phil Collins joke!

[volkk]

yep. me too. i think it's a demographic thing, but i remember when i stopped taking it seriously is when i had the utmost success. i guess that's just the moral of living in general

[verst]

Dating styles are very informed by upbringing and culture. For example with my German upbringing but living in the US I am very long term oriented and do not shy away from addressing serious topics early. While this is considered "very intense" in the US, it is very common in many other countries.

If your goal is dating to establish a healthy romantic relationship then number of matches isn't what you want to optimize:

Accept who you are, how you think and feel. No need to hide the real you. No need to please the masses. You can find people who will appreciate you the way you are. And I can't emphasize this enough: *Respect the other person* - everyone is equally looking for (and entitled to find) what is right for them.

With experience it gets easier to quickly identify people who think and feel like you, who share similar values and lifestyle.

[stephencanon]

Vastly more matches, but what was the quality of the matches? Dating is weird in that lots of matches is an anti-feature (at least for some users, I wouldn’t know, I’ve been married for a decade and never really online dated)—-one _good_ match is much more valuable than any arbitrary number of less good matches.

[pjm331]

Here’s my anecdata: met my wife on bumble and my profile was a paragraph of lorem ipsum.

IMO no one likes writing dating app bios and no one likes reading them. People are gonna match based on looks anyway. You’ll learn about someone on the date, not by reading some painstakingly crafted autobiography

[giovannibonetti]

On the other hand, I met my wife on Tinder and she said I stood above the crowd because of my well-crafted message "look, someone that knows how to write well!"

[baccheion]

Maybe you are seen as more attractive by women? I don't really get any matches, something said to be a common situation. Unsure if true.