[squasher]

"Personally, it doesn't even cross my mind that some people are different than me."

People who aren't rich, white, straight, and male don't have the privilege of forgetting about their own identity the way you do. In the context of tech for women, this means always wondering if you were hired, fired, or asked to coffee because you are a woman or because you are interesting and competent. It's knowing that if you mess up, you are reinforcing stereotypes about all women. When you walk into a room at a conference and you can count the other women on one hand, men may not notice but women definitely do. We don't have the privilege of forgetting our gender in that context. It's not that men are evil, it's just the way privilege works: when you benefit from it, it's hard to see the experience of those who don't.

If you want to hear more about this idea even more eloquently, check out the classic article about white privilege that puts it better than I ever could: http://www.nymbp.org/reference/WhitePrivilege.pdf

[stcredzero]

People who aren't rich, white, straight, and male don't have the privilege of forgetting about their own identity the way you do.

Well, from what I've seen, Korean males of high social status who were born in and live in Korea have that privilege. It's hard to get your head around what this stuff is like as an adult. If you're born as a minority and raised to feel the metaphorical target on you from childhood -- there's just no way to convey what that's like. Face that stuff only as an adult, and you can always draw on your memories from childhood to know that's not true. You can always go back home where you know you are safe.

It's quite an eye opener and really weird, being raised by your parents to expect that sort of privilege, then going out in the world to discover the world at large has a very different story to tell you.

[daniel_solano]

> People who aren't rich, white, straight, and male don't have the privilege of forgetting about their own identity the way you do.

You know, not everyone who isn't rich, white, straight, and male has the burden of being constantly reminded of one's own identity.

As a non-rich, non-white, straight male, I think I can honestly say that I was never particularly aware of my non-richness and non-whiteness until I started attending a large university where people make a big deal about class, race, sexual preference, and sex.

Did I get picked on as a child? Sure. But I never assumed it was because I was non-white, I generally thought it was because I was nerdy and small. Once I started standing up for myself, most of the taunting came to an end. Bullies are often cowards.

I think that some people are taught to believe that anytime that something bad happens to them, it can only be because of sexism, racism, etc. These sorts of beliefs are ultimately counter-productive and negative. In particular, they teach people not to take personal responsibility for their own lives.

[Confusion]

  In the context of tech for women, this means always 
  wondering if you were hired, fired, or asked to coffee
  because you are a woman or because you are interesting and
  competent. 

Your example also goes the other way around. As a man, you can never hire, fire or ask a woman to coffee without her doubting your motives. The same goes for a gay man, a black man or an old man. As a man, you can't forget your identity either: you always need to be aware of who you are, in relation to the others around you.

[squasher]

Well you can, as evidenced by the attitude of the person I was responding to. That doesn't mean you should, which is I think what you really mean.

But yes, having such an imbalance in our community leads to this being a salient part of social interaction when there are much more important characteristics that should rise to the top.