[Confusion]

  In the context of tech for women, this means always 
  wondering if you were hired, fired, or asked to coffee
  because you are a woman or because you are interesting and
  competent. 

Your example also goes the other way around. As a man, you can never hire, fire or ask a woman to coffee without her doubting your motives. The same goes for a gay man, a black man or an old man. As a man, you can't forget your identity either: you always need to be aware of who you are, in relation to the others around you.

[squasher]

Well you can, as evidenced by the attitude of the person I was responding to. That doesn't mean you should, which is I think what you really mean.

But yes, having such an imbalance in our community leads to this being a salient part of social interaction when there are much more important characteristics that should rise to the top.