[benohear]

To your last point, if it is possible for drug addicts and alcoholics to overcome decade long compulsive behavior, there is no reason you can’t too.

If you are genuinely clear as to your values and what gives you meaning then mostly it would be a case of building new habits. I’ve found B.J. Fogg’s Tiny Habits to be really effective for that.

One other thing worth mentioning is that you might be beating yourself up for not being productive in your spare time, which is particularly self defeating since the feeling of guilt will lead to more of the avoidance behavior. If you are tired after a full days work maybe start by planning more meaningful ways to relax, like watching a good movie, taking a bath or reading a book.

Finally make sure you are actually pursuing happiness in the right place. Laurie Santos’s podcast on happiness is well worth a listen (and is conveniently also a relaxing thing to listen to in your spare time :-)

[thatsamonad]

> To your last point, if it is possible for drug addicts and alcoholics to overcome decade long compulsive behavior, there is no reason you can’t too.

Agreed. It certainly feels impossible but I know rationally that it isn't. That being said, bridging the rational knowing vs the emotional feeling is always a challenge, especially with behaviors that are compulsive.

> One other thing worth mentioning is that you might be beating yourself up for not being productive in your spare time, which is particularly self defeating since the feeling of guilt will lead to more of the avoidance behavior

It's interesting that you mention this because I do carry a lot of guilt when I'm not working or learning something, which definitely tends to exacerbate the avoidant behavior and make me more likely to engage in it. I have a very hard time accepting that something like watching a movie, reading a (non-work) book, or playing a video game is "worthwhile", because it feels like it's not "productive". It's something I'm definitely working on, however.

[benohear]

May I suggest two framings that might help?

The first is that the option of being permanently productive doesn’t seem to be open to you, at least not right now. The bit that makes compulsive behavior so hard to get rid of is that it bypasses the executive circuits of the brain, and if you are fighting on two fronts by trying to do reestablish rational control AND strong arming yourself into doing something productive in a state of exhaustion then it is even harder.

So realistically at the moment the choice is between meaningful downtime and endless YouTubes (or whatever your rabbit hole of choice is). Once you have reestablished executive control then you can consider reintroducing productive activities.

The second reframing is to view culture and social interactions as learning about the human condition. You’re still growing your brain, just not in a way that is directly applicable to your professional life.

And in any case: No one should go through life without having read War and Peace :-)