[benohear]

May I suggest two framings that might help?

The first is that the option of being permanently productive doesn’t seem to be open to you, at least not right now. The bit that makes compulsive behavior so hard to get rid of is that it bypasses the executive circuits of the brain, and if you are fighting on two fronts by trying to do reestablish rational control AND strong arming yourself into doing something productive in a state of exhaustion then it is even harder.

So realistically at the moment the choice is between meaningful downtime and endless YouTubes (or whatever your rabbit hole of choice is). Once you have reestablished executive control then you can consider reintroducing productive activities.

The second reframing is to view culture and social interactions as learning about the human condition. You’re still growing your brain, just not in a way that is directly applicable to your professional life.

And in any case: No one should go through life without having read War and Peace :-)