[jungletime]

A good related book is "How to win Friends and Influence people". Basically its a guide how to make friends, with a realization that we live in a world full of selfish people, that are self centered and don't have much empathy. This is the default state of human beings. I watched an interview with Pol Pot and even he thought of himself as a good guy.

Quick Book Summary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qvUYtwASqY

Pol Pot last interview

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQ9_BMshyiw

[edit] I should qualify what I mean by selfish as it relates to the book. Basically humans tend to act in their self interest by default. And will go a long way to justify that behaviour to themselves even when it hurts others, so they can preserve a positive self image. this a common behaviour pattern. The book doesn't claim its universal, and no exception exist. I'm sure there are exceptions. But even modern "saint" equivalents like Gandhi did some messed up selfish things.

[throwaway_pdp09]

While it may be true that there are many selfish people, many aren't. Interpret the world as being packed with wankers and in your mind you deny people the chance to be anything else. I had a relative like that, he wasn't a nice person.

[bigbubba]

As the saying goes, a thief thinks every man steals. I am very wary of people who are deeply pessimistic in the what they believe about everybody else.

[bluedino]

I’ve taken these classes and it comes down to “be someone you aren’t in order to make conversation”

It just feels so fake and scripted. I can easily tell in a business setting when people are just putting on their Dale Carnegie hat.

[BurningFrog]

You can also think of it as "make an effort to act in a way others enjoy".

[username90]

Problem is that only people with bad empathy enjoys it since otherwise you can see through peoples superficiality. So going through the motions and pretending to like each other doesn't work with/for many.

[BurningFrog]

You can see through the people who do it badly.

Those who do it well, which is most of us, just seem like nice, friendly and interesting people.

[bigbubba]

> Those who do it well, which is most of us,

Most people have not read that book nor any like it. Most people appear pleasant because that's the way they genuinely are, not because they went to a seminar or read a book to learn how to fake it.

[the-smug-one]

That's just not true. I often fail to be pleasant when I am in England, because the culture is different enough that when I try to be nice I mess it up in some manner. We can have the intent of being pleasant but fail to appear pleasant.

[BurningFrog]

Yeah, I wasn't talking about the book, just making real efforts to appear nice and friendly.

[bluedino]

It also takes a lot of effort/energy to “handle” people with these techniques. Ask them this, ask them that. Give them two compliments, come up with an open ended question.

[bigbubba]

I don't enjoy the superficiality of a sleezeball who took courses in 'pretending to care.' But for each their own I suppose.