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by GordonS 2132 days ago
Agreed, some people really don't like terse emails.

I actually got myself into trouble a couple of years back because of this. I've been working with Norwegians almost my whole working life, and am used to being terse, direct and honest. Aside from that, I'm an extrovert, and don't talk unless I have something to say.

Anyway, then I got placed as tech lead for a UK project, working remotely. Within a week, the PM had made a complaint to my manager that I was being glib and not listening to other points of view.

I had no clue where any of this had come from, and sat down with the PM to try to understand - if I'd given the wrong impression, I wanted to fix it. Anyway, we looked back through piles of emails, and in every single case it was a misunderstanding of my real intentions that was directly linked to terseness.

From then on I've tried to gauge my audience better - always using salutations, using longer sentences to say the same thing, trying to be softer etc. I think by and large this has been successful, although I am finding recently my emails tend to be too long...

1 comments

Why do you have to change and not them? Especially if you sat down with them and discussed it?
Because unfortunately the world doesn't revolve around me :)

It wasn't only the PM, the AI lead apparently felt the same, although I think the AI lead was the one that kicked up a fuss in the first place.

At first I was really pissed off - I didn't think I'd done anything wrong, and was completely baffled about the complaint. I went over my emails myself, and thought about calls we'd had, and I just didn't get it. TBH, I still don't understand how it could have been misconstrued, but I have to accept that it was.

Anyway, I guess the point is that while I'm terse, open and honest, not everyone else is. Consider your recipients before sending that mail - who are they, where are they from, what approach are they likely to be receptive to.

>"Anyway, I guess ... to be receptive to."

In other words, developing your communication skills can have good impact.

How would you decide who would have to "change"?

Presumably, both parties made an effort to better understand each other. There's no evidence to doubt that the PM was more forgiving/understanding of terse emails going forwards.

Plus, OP was new to the UK team. It seems natural that the onus would be more on him to adapt than trying to play with the culture of the existing team.

Am I misreading your comment or something? It comes across as very...standoffish...to me as it seems like the way this was resolved is the most sane, rational, mutually-respectuful course one could hope for.

If the user met with PM and explained the misunderstanding, why do they still need to modify their writing? Is the PM still misunderstanding? I didn't see any evidence that the PM changed here, that's all.

Typically the person receiving the message is better fit to accommodate others (see the HN guidelines about taking the most charitable interpretation of a post). Otherwise you're expecting everyone else to adjust themselves when talking to you.