[bityard]

It seems like you didn't read the full article.

The research that the article talks about was careful to separate the _mindset_ of victimhood from the actual experience of being a victim of someone else's antisocial or even violent behavior. The two are not the same. One can experience prejudice, social bias, and outright physical violence without developing a permanent self-image as a victim. But we all know that one crazy friend or family member who thinks (and says) the world is against them yet never had a truly traumatic experience in their whole life.

[dane-pgp]

"The world's against you, so you think or maybe wish it was

At least that way someone would care but baby, no one does, not even you

Baby, someone is crazy and it's you"

https://wiki.jonathancoulton.com/Someone_Is_Crazy/Lyrics

[watwut]

But like, I also know people who talked about being wronged and then it eventually turned out they really have been wronged. And it took them quite a lot of effort to get made sorta kinda equal - had they been accepting and silent, none of that would happen.

[lopmotr]

If it can be made right, then yea but if not, then it's probably better to imagine you weren't wronged.

I have a personal experience with this. I suffered an injury that caused a permanent disability, but because I was also knocked out, I don't know what caused it. Maybe I was assaulted or maybe I had an accident. Should I feel wronged just in case it turns out to be an assault? No! I'm kind of lucky not knowing whether to blame someone else or myself! Maybe if I knew, that emotion of being wronged would motivate me to fight for justice and the perpetrator could get convicted but I'm comfortable assuming it was an accident. That's a lot better than fighting and losing.

[watwut]

In cases I have in mind, it looked futile until it did not.

In the situation you described, you don't know what happened. So a good guess of your feelings would be confusion, I see no reason to force "feeling lucky" or "blaming yourself" or "feeling wronged" or any other emotion you don't actually feel.

I don't understand this prescribing what people should feel and I think it does more harm then good. People do feel, they also think and the two interacts. It is much more important to understand what your feelings actually are and how they are influencing you, rather then analyse what theoretical person should feel or try to force yourself to feel the things you dont.

[lopmotr]

Though I agree it's not helpful to force your feelings directly. I do think that there are things we "should" feel and those are the things that give better outcomes to us. Sometimes emotions are telling us something true and important but are also harming our wellbeing and we'd be better off without them. If we're lucky enough to lack some harmful knowledge, then all the better.

[seigando]

>But we all know that one crazy friend or family member who thinks (and says) the world is against them yet never had a truly traumatic experience in their whole life.

Man that rubs me the wrong way. You've been in their shoes for every experience they've ever had and used your psychological authority to assess that none of those experiences were "truly traumatic?"

Maybe some of their mindset stems from constant dismissal.

[viklove]

Sometimes constant dismissal is justified

[seigando]

From your point of view.