[alexandercrohde]

When I read this type of thing, I try my best to look for some basis to decide if it's fortune-cookie-nonsense or great advice.

It's obvious to me that a person can care too much about being/seeming right. But can a person also care too little about it? What is the exact right amount, and how do you know?

[nordsieck]

> It's obvious to me that a person can care too much about being/seeming right. But can a person also care too little about it? What is the exact right amount, and how do you know?

I think it's best to ignore the original article which is mostly vacuous slogans and just think about the problem in general.

Here are some examples in ascending order of serious consequences:

0. Your partner put dishes away in a different drawer than they are normally stored.

1. Your partner did mental math to calculate a tip incorrectly; however, the result was still an adequate tip.

2. Your partner remembered the time to meet at a restaurant incorrectly causing them to be late.

3. Your partner wants to book a trip. You're worried that you may need to cancel, but your partner assures you that the trip can be canceled at no cost. When it comes time to cancel, it turns out, the trip is not refundable at all, and both of you are out a lot of money.

4. You and your partner agreed early on in the relationship that you would not live with or support either of your parents in their old age. Now your partner wants to move their parents into your shared house.

The more you are on the trivial side of the gradient, I think the better it is to be kind. IMO, it's still a bit worrisome if someone is consistently wrong in trivial things, as that could be a sign that they are wrong in more meaningful things as well.

However, the further you are on the serious side of the gradient, the less reasonable it is to be kind over being right. This is where people become doormats - when they value being nice over being right to their own serious detriment.

[analog31]

>>> The more you are on the trivial side of the gradient, I think the better it is to be kind. IMO, it's still a bit worrisome if someone is consistently wrong in trivial things, as that could be a sign that they are wrong in more meaningful things as well.

I'm not sure this is a foregone conclusion. It may just mean that they're mildly absent minded, or even just human. I'm that person in my household.

[nordsieck]

> I'm not sure this is a foregone conclusion. It may just mean that they're mildly absent minded, or even just human.

That's a fair point. I think it really depends on the specifics of the situation.

I've known a fair number of compulsive liars and bullshitters, so it certainly can be a red flag, but like you say - it doesn't have to be.

[kcolford]

Sometimes it is important that you're seen as right. If there is a disaster coming then it's absolutely important that the other person sees you as right. Even at the cost of the relationship. It's really about weighing whether or not being right is worth the consequences of achieving that. Is being right worth driving a wedge between you and your partner? If the only thing you get out of it is the self-satisfaction of being recognized as right and you push the people you love away from you then that is a calculus you have to make. Some people will weigh being right as above everything else and so the rest of us will drift away from those people. Some people will decide that the relationship is more important and so give up on being right to make the other one happy.

When you try to have both, being right and having those people around you. You hurt them, so you have to do something to make them come close to you again. That cycle of abuse goes back and forth wearing away at your "victim" like car engine getting worn down. That's why victims abuse feel so worn out and exhausted without realizing what's hurting them. Sure their abuser makes up for it. There's so many wonderful things about them that make up for all the bad things. The more extreme these swings are, the faster the victim is worn down.

Not to mention all the manipulation and other awful stuff that can happen in an abusive relationship. This is just one slice that can be looked at.

So ultimately, the right amount is whatever amount keeps you in balance with the people you're right with.

[cutemonster]

It seems you're thinking of being right as someone convincing or forcing the other person to say s/he agrees with him/her

[ironmagma]

Being right is important, but notably, it’s only good if you can explain to others why you are right. So maybe it’s okay to care about being right to the extent that you try to convince people of what they need to know.