[kcolford]

Sometimes it is important that you're seen as right. If there is a disaster coming then it's absolutely important that the other person sees you as right. Even at the cost of the relationship. It's really about weighing whether or not being right is worth the consequences of achieving that. Is being right worth driving a wedge between you and your partner? If the only thing you get out of it is the self-satisfaction of being recognized as right and you push the people you love away from you then that is a calculus you have to make. Some people will weigh being right as above everything else and so the rest of us will drift away from those people. Some people will decide that the relationship is more important and so give up on being right to make the other one happy.

When you try to have both, being right and having those people around you. You hurt them, so you have to do something to make them come close to you again. That cycle of abuse goes back and forth wearing away at your "victim" like car engine getting worn down. That's why victims abuse feel so worn out and exhausted without realizing what's hurting them. Sure their abuser makes up for it. There's so many wonderful things about them that make up for all the bad things. The more extreme these swings are, the faster the victim is worn down.

Not to mention all the manipulation and other awful stuff that can happen in an abusive relationship. This is just one slice that can be looked at.

So ultimately, the right amount is whatever amount keeps you in balance with the people you're right with.

[cutemonster]

It seems you're thinking of being right as someone convincing or forcing the other person to say s/he agrees with him/her