[joshlittle]

Everything in this article is correct, at least for me.

I got fired for performance at my last job about 2.75 years ago. The first two years of working there I had great performance reviews, things went well. It was a high performing YC-backed success story, and I felt just as successful. I was promoted to Lead QA Engineer, and oversaw several projects going at once that I was interested in.

About two years in, it started going south when I lost my Adderall prescription. Eventually I got fired. It was devastating, and the best job I ever had.

I guess after some change at Kaiser Permanente, my primary care doctor was no longer able to write me Adderall. He sent me to psychiatry, which at Kaiser is less than stellar.

Psychiatrist said that unless I can provide proof from elementary school or doctors from my childhood, he’s going to have to reevaluate me; from the looks of what he said I might not get a diagnosis. Offered me Wellbutrin. The entire visit was a slap in the face. He thought I was there to get stimulants because I have a drug problem.

Indeed! I do have a drug problem in that no longer am being prescribed the drugs that make me function. I never abused drugs.

Even after talking to a manager, Kaiser refuses let me switch psychiatrists. This was about 2.5 years ago. It took me two months even get an appointment with that Dr; only to have him tell me get lost.

Meanwhile, I’ve been doing the best I can given the situation. ADHD Affects me greatly and I’ve lost so much since then.

For one, disorganization resulted in me missing out on exercising my stock options. I thought I had three months, it was 90 days. Missed it by a day!

This was problematic because the company was purchased by Autodesk about a year after I got fired. Would’ve been a nice liquidity event. ($600K)

I’m still falling incredibly short. I have a lot of trauma around getting fired and feeling like I am insufficient. I have not even applied for a job since leaving. Once unemployment ran out I started ridesharing; i’m doing that off and on for about two years. It barely pays rent but better than being broke and homeless in San Francisco.

Today, it’s a struggle to stay relevant. I have pretty much given up on finding a psychiatrist in San Francisco as they all appear booked for months. I have found success in self medication although it’s harder to find therapeutic pharmaceuticals then street drugs; not a viable alternative for me.

I’m sort of losing interest in tech. I find enjoyment in many things technical but cannot seem to get myself together. Thinking without finishing my college degree, no relevant work for the last 2 1/2 years, and no treatment for my condition; nobody will want to hire me. Even if they did I am not sure I’d be able to be successful.

Where am I at now? Still ridesharing, trying to make ends meet. My resume is almost rewritten, I have looked at some jobs but not applied for any yet. My world has gotten a little bit smaller than I would like.

Absolutely I need some more structure than what I have.

[eigenvalue]

It sounds like you need to come up with a plan. But in order for any plan to be successful, you should do whatever you can to get your hands on Adderall so that you can be organized and diligent in following your plan (and even with coming up with a reasonable plan in the first place). It's pretty easy to get a prescription-- you can literally just describe various symptoms of ADHD and talk about how you keep experiencing them. Just don't directly mention anything about drugs or ADHD. If the doctor/psychiatrist won't prescribe it to you, then just go to another. It shouldn't take long to find one who will give it to you. If you don't have insurance then try to find one that will let you pay out of pocket. Once you are back on meds you should probably ease your way back into technical work. You might consider taking freelance gigs on Upwork or something, even at low rates, just to get back into the swing of things. Often these gigs can turn into consistent remote working opportunities. Once you are back into the mode of doing technical work on a routine basis, start applying to jobs. Look at the "who is hiring?" threads here on HN. Also, try going to tech meetups for things that you are interested (e.g., Node, Python, etc.) as a way to network. You probably shouldn't tell your whole story to potential employers. Instead, you can say that you felt burned out from overwork and decided to take it easy for a while and focus on yourself. Now that you've rested, you are ready to work again. If you managed to get hired and promoted at a good startup there is absolutely no reason you can't again. You are certainly living in the right place for it, which gives you a huge leg up versus 98% of the coders in the world!

[Keverw]

You have to get permission to change doctors or just a limited amount in your network? I was under the assumption you could just switch doctors whenever you wanted as long as in-network, but I hate this whole in-network thing and out of network. Seems so stupid insurance companies dictate your care, but I guess even with socialized medicine than the government decides on your care instead. It just seems like a whole big Ponzi scheme and just another number in a database.

Hmm looked it up and their website says you can change your doctor unless maybe it depends on the state... That URL is coming up for WA, so maybe in CA it's different since insurance companies are usually licensed and separate in every state but share a common brand name.

https://wa.kaiserpermanente.org/html/public/member-guide/cho...

> You can change your doctor at any time, for any reason. Just follow the same steps as above to select a new doctor.

But I guess every company and plan is different anyways. Seems like an entire racket. Someone I know who recently moved wasn't feeling too great but didn't want to go to the hospital as worried about costs, and called to speak to someone at the front desk and they said they couldn't tell you over the phone if covered or not, would have to see the card in person and specific plan and group numbers. Ended up being nothing though, but what if they were having a more serious issue.

So stupid you can't just pick the best-rated doctor and go to it. Then some cheaper plans probably have crappier doctors who are more disparate. Seems like the whole medical system doesn't let you take control over your own health. Then some doctors end up actually making people sicker too.

[pixelrevision]

Kaiser and mental health are a brutal combo. I had Kaiser in my 20’s and got depressed. It took them 3 months to see me in their mental health department. I told them I just needed someone to talk to for a bit but they saw me twice, asked me if I needed meds and handed me a flyer for a group that was not associated. I finally just went to a place that had student therapists which worked out well.

[rtikulit]

I find it hard to do my actual job, which is often boring. So what I do instead is I find something else to do, that is even more valuable than my actual job and significantly more difficult, but which is inherently interesting to me. Then i go all ADHD hyperfocus on it. I've been lucky... management goes “wow, initiative, thanks!”

Many of my ADHD friends say something similar... they can't follow orders, so they have to make sure they find something in the work that they can obsess over.