[erfZSgfea]

I grew up with certain privileges. Dad's an engineer and a go-getter, mom has a masters. But we were a one income family (my mom's work doesn't cross intl. borders) with a bit of job insecurity when we first moved to N. America.

Most of my childhood anxiety was due to my parents being too honest with me (my dad got laid of twice in the early 90s' recessions, I was seven).

I remember every month I would lend my mom my savings (about 200) to help her get us get to the end of the month. Since my mom depended on this being available, I asked very solemnly when I used it to buy a CD burner. To this day I ask permission to my wife to buy most anything (she has a similar background and does the same).

I remember looking at a $20 and all the power it held. A tank of gas. Several days of food. Again, similar story for my wife - she lived on a $5/day food budget.

I remember that, on long drives, we'd fit the five of us into a two door car with four seat belts. My mom's $1000 k-car had unreliable breaks. An issue on the freeway. My father never drove faster than 50 mph on the freeway (the limit was 60 at the time)

I remember my dad joking about feeding the "black hole" our non-mortgage household debt. I have deep aversion to any type of debt.

Eventually my dad moved up the ranks and all this went away. When I entered college things changed and we ended up quite well off, to the point where I have no student debt thanks to my parents.

Trough all of this, though, my parents were very clear that no matter how "difficult" (they labeled us as "poor") things were, people were much worse off than us.

[screye]

This sounds so similar to me.

My family never owned a car, went on vacation or went out eating much (only on very fancy occasions). We stayed as 6 of us in a 2 bedroom apartment. And pocket money was never a thing. I especially remember that even gift money from others was something you handed over to mom for daily expenses.

But, it was all a conscious choice by my parents to allow us to have solid nutrition, good education and avoid debt.

They were always fully transparent about expenses in the house and what each rupee meant to them. Even when I asked for any money, it was always contextualized in number of meals or how many clothes that bought us.

I am doing well now, but it really does teach you to be mindful of money. It has had some adverse effects too, where it took a long time for me to stop being so visibly stingy.

Growing up knowing how much things cost and that we were still in the 90th percentile of our country (India in the 90s), helped me a lot in gaining empathy for those that I knew earned a lot less, and the hard decisions they might've had to make on a day to day basis.

[xorfish]

> To this day I ask permission to my wife to buy most anything (she has a similar background and does the same).

This is such a beneficial personal finance habit. It prevents lots of unnecessary spending on stuff you don't really need that would take up space in your place of living.

[lonelappde]

If you are borrowing $200 every month and paying it back, you have a budgeting problem not an income problem.

I hope the $200 loan was a trick your mom played to help you save money.

[phaedrus]

Or both. Most times it gets paid back, but twice a year something falls through and the parents can't pay it back. The child is industrious / saver / works an after school job and manages to save about $200 every six months, but can never build up a long term balance. It's one of the things that can make growing up in a family in poverty feel like trying to escape a gravity well.

I've seen this play out over couple years between my younger brother (after I'd moved out) and my parents. I see the pattern repeat with my sister and her son. He, my nephew (13), stayed with my wife and me over Christmas. He said he had been making money with after school jobs and hoped to be able to save enough for a car when he's 16, but wasn't sure if that was going to be possible because his Mom and step Dad have to borrow (or "borrow") money from him every month.

I didn't tell him yet but I decided there that in 2 or 3 years I'm going to start fixing up a good 1st car for him.

[gshdg]

If you’re living paycheck to paycheck it’s entirely possible to not be a budget problem, especially I f you’re spending almost exactly your income and just barely feeding and sheltering your family.

If you start any one pay period in a hole due to an unexpected expense; or if your bills become due earlier in the week/month than your paycheck arrives, you can cover your monthly expenses with your income but not with your cash on hand.

It’s the same as how a business can be making a profit but still go out of business due to cash flow problems.

[en-us]

Regardless of whether or not you are right, this is just not an appropriate way to respond to someone who has just shared a trauma. This is a case of "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all".

[erfZSgfea]

No worries. I don't think its fair to say I'm traumatized. Just standard immigrant stories. We weren't rich, or comfortable, but never skipped a meal. Therefore we were actually very fortunate.

My wife, on the other hand, is from an ex commie country. She could write a book of her insane stories.