[reactspa]

This comment is pure gold.

I found Scott Adams' recent books and Daniel Kahneman's work profoundly influential in changing my "observed personality" (i.e. the psychology I project to the world), and making me an order of magnitude more effective in dealing with work issues/co-workers.

Please share a few books (or perhaps authors/youtubers) that you learned from. Thank you.

[zzzcarrot]

Can you elaborate on the observed personality thing? How do you do this?

[reactspa]

E.g.: I'm a jeans & t-shirt kinda guy. However, I now dress a little more formally (business casual) because it leads to better outcomes. I've not gotten around to wearing suits even though that would be even better.

A little more strategic: I usually wear at least one item of clothing with my employer's logo visible on it. (Gives off a "corporate citizen" vibe.) A far cry from the recent past when I'd carry a laptop-bag with my ex-employer's (and a competitor of my current employer's) logo on it.

[rl3]

What if you're at an overly-corporate place being the jeans & t-shirt person?

Throughout modern history tech founders used this to great effect against suits.

My theory is that radically different dress from the norm (whether dressing up or down) can be advantageous provided you remain utterly confident and bring value to the table.

[JimboOmega]

Being utterly confident means people will assume you bring a lot of value to the table, whether or not you do. The signals you give are usually the first and some of the strongest ones that people look at. Of course, if you're a total charlatan, you'll be exposed eventually; but you'll get much farther with excellent confidence in mediocre work than you will with wavering confidence in excellent work.

That said, I almost always stand out in my manner of dress, and it's bought me no particular advantages. It would surprise me if "the tall girl with the great outfits" was not a good enough description to get most people in my area to identify me. Still, being visually recognizable confers no immediate advantage, beyond that whenever I meet people they remember me and have seen me around before. (I just love fashion, so I do it for me more than anything else)

[bob33212]

Taleb talks about this in Anti-fragile. Rock Stars can wear whatever they want and it doesn't hurt them in their career. In contrast a lawyer or accountant could seriously hurt their career showing up to work with an unusual outfit on.

In the Software world you can have it both ways. Showing up in sweatpants and a vulgar t-shirt may cause people to think you are so good that you don't have to care. But also to think that you will never be in management

[amyjess]

> I've not gotten around to wearing suits even though that would be even better.

The danger with suits is that we're at a point in society where wearing a suit conveys an image of helplessness, not power.

Nowadays, people mostly wear suits when they're throwing themselves at another person's mercy. Wearing a suit means you're on your way to a court appearance or a job interview, not that you're some powerful executive. At every company I've ever worked for, the only times I've seen our executives wear suits has been when they were on their way to or from a meeting with investors or potential investors (and honestly, asking investors for money is basically another kind of job interview). Even at my current company, which is fairly conservative, every time I pass one of our C-levels in the hallway, they're almost never wearing a suit. I'm more likely to see the CEO in a sweater, really.

An article on the subject: https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2019/9/30/20869237/suits-contr...

[ubertoop]

Lol... You had to read a book to realize that dressing nicely and repping your company might be a good idea?

[Aeolun]

I think this is actually pretty foreign in a world where jeans & tshirt is seen as the default.

If you look at how everyone dresses though, you’ll find a clear flow from grunts (tshirts) to managers (shirts & slacks) to leadership (full suit).

Everyone is conditioned to that, so just by dressing differently people now perceive you as something different.

Of course there are exceptions, but it’s generic enough that I think it applies everywhere to some extend.

[reactspa]

lol, yeah. Partly because at my workplace jeans & t-shirts are common, and repping the employer is seen by some as "being a kiss-ass".

[jama211]

I'm sure that was literally the only thing mentioned in the book...

[OGWhales]

Anything more substantial than dressing up? That seems obvious to me and not something I'd need a book to tell me.

[nabnob]

In general, being charming helps. Charm/charisma is just being fully engaged in a conversation with a person - no looking around the room scanning for someone you'd rather talk with, don't interrupt them and actually listen to what they're saying, and offer geniune compliments (infrequently).

Don't be an insecure people pleaser who needs lots of external validation. It's ironic, but a lot of people-pleaser behaviors come across as needy and annoying. If you're at a happy hour with coworkers struggling to get a word in, instead mentally take a step back and try to listen. I've found when I do this it makes my words more impactful when I do speak.

There's a youtube channel called "Charisma on Command" that has a lot of good advice, but I would take it with a grain of salt. Personally, I started with working through my low self-esteem before I found that channel, learning how to be more proactive, how to set boundaries and not be a pushover, etc, so the confidence is real and the social/charisma changes came naturally.

[mindcrime]

Not the parent poster, and this may or may not be what they were referring to, but FYI, there is an entire field of thought called "Impression Management" which may be of interest:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impression_management

[abledon]

which scott adams books? loserthink?

[reactspa]

Start with "How to fail...", then "Win Bigly", then "Loserthink". "How to fail..." is the most important IMHO.

Also, read up on this: https://www.ribbonfarm.com/the-gervais-principle/

[PhaedrusV]

Second "How to fail.." and "Gervais"; didn't find "Win Bigly" or "Loserthink" very useful.