Thanks for taking time... I live in south-eastern Europe. Gambling/betting here is rampant. I feel like I’m contributing to the problem, but can’t seem to find the way out.
Your kids will be grateful that you sacrificed yourself in a job you didn't like to give them a chance. Others have already told you: your situation is bad, but a part of this bad is that you see it worse. It's difficult to tell the realism bits from the defeatism ones. If in doubt, try to err on the side of optimism.
And you've been like that for 13 years! Even slaves in the Bible were released after 7 years.
No wonder you're miserable. No one can do something they hate for that long without having their soul crushed.
Sorry to the people here, but I don't think meditation/diet/exercise will fix this problem.