[tasogare]

I'm living in a foreign country and speak fluently 3 languages, and known a few things in a forth one. Deciding which language to use with which person is a taxing effort in itself, especially in a group setting. There is no such thing as "asshole-y thing" to use English because each communication setting is different. Sometime the most important thing is to be understood quickly, then using English if there is any friction makes sense. On the other hand, if the goal is to build some emotional rapport, trying harder in the other person's native language is worth doing.

[villedepommes]

> There is no such thing as "asshole-y thing" to use English because each communication setting is different

Exactly because each communication setting is different, in a number of them, switching to English unconditionally, which is what the parent was suggesting, is indeed an "asshole-y" thing to do.

> Sometime the most important thing is to be understood quickly

Isn't this exactly what I said, "Unless it's a literal matter of life and death to understand what the other person is saying without too much of a delay?"

> Deciding which language to use with which person is a taxing effort in itself, especially in a group setting

In a group -- yes. Else, you just sound lazy at best and like a person who doesn't give a duck at worst.

> On the other hand, if the goal is to build some emotional rapport, trying harder in the other person's native language is worth doing.

The goal is to just be a decent human-being who is at least sometimes considerate of others' wants.

[p1esk]

It heavily depends on the goals of conversation, imo. If someone tells me he wants to practice his Russian, I have no problem with that. If I'm talking to a girl in a romantic setting, and she wants me to speak Russian to her, regardless of her understanding of it, sure. But if the goal is to actually exchange information, and their English is more suitable, then I don't see why they would be offended.

Also, there are a couple of nuances:

- sometimes people assume that if I'm Russian I always prefer speaking in Russian. I don't see why I shouldn't let them know when it is to the contrary.

- even if for some reason they want me to speak Russian when the goal of the conversation would be better served by using English, how should I speak to them? The way I normally speak to my Russian friends, or artificially slowing down my speech and choosing simple phrases? Which one is more offensive?

p.s. I see your point though (i.e. not appreciating the effort). I've heard it's common in some parts of France, where people don't want to you speak French if you don't speak it perfectly. Agreed on the "asshole'iness" of that :)

[zajio1am]

> The goal is to just be a decent human-being who is at least sometimes considerate of others' wants.

Why would consideration of other person wants trump the consideration of the first preson wants? If is a symmetric situation, then preferences of both sides has equal value.

Also, this is not a thing people need to agree on. There is no problem if each side of dialog uses a different language, if each side comes to a different conclusion about optimal language.