[enobrev]

This voice is the reason I can not longer enjoy marijuana or mushrooms anymore. It almost never bothers me in normal life, but when I partake, suddenly it gets loud and mean and refuses to shut up for hours. I used to really enjoy both drugs, but not if it's going to become a self-hating nightmare.

[qzx_pierri]

Dude, I’m the same way! Was there an event that caused this to start happening to you? I used to toke up all the time, but now it’s always an uncomfortable experience.

[md224]

Not the person you're replying to, but I've also lost the ability to enjoy cannabis. I can trace it back to a nervous breakdown and major depressive episode I had in 2014. Since then, smoking weed has almost always had a dysphoric effect on me. It isn't routine paranoia but a visceral discomfort that no amount of self-awareness and mindfulness can shake. This might sound dumb, but it really feels like literal "bad vibes"... like the character of reality shifts toward malevolence.

My current theory is that (contrary to what you might think) weed reduces dissociation, making reality more "real", so to speak. Dissociation can be an important defense mechanism; by interfering with this mechanism, cannabis can lead to discomfort and dysphoria. If weed makes you feel bad, it may be the case that there's something wrong in your life that you're trying to ignore.

(From a neurochemical standpoint, I wonder if it has something to do with dopamine dysfunction. I'm not certain, but it seems like co-administration of stimulants can reduce this dysphoric effect. But I don't want to have to snort Adderall every time I smoke weed.)

It's also possible that I'm wrong, and that certain people just lose the ability to enjoy weed at some point in their life. That would be unfortunate.

[qzx_pierri]

Literally everything you said is exactly how I feel and describe my feelings about cannabis to people. However, I took 1-2 hits of my friend's wax pen last night and I had a great time. I did have a couple beers in me though. I think you're 100% right about weed making you focus on reality more. Coincidentally, I've been sleeping better, journaling, and becoming more mindful the past couple weeks as well. The human brain is such a mystery.

[enobrev]

Nothing specific. I don't even remember when it started.

As a teenager I was high often, with the occasional fungal trip and it was never a thing.

And then somewhere in my mid-twenties, I noticed a point when I smoked too much, I started getting really down on myself, and then eventually realized it wasn't "me" but that voice.

I tried to ignore it. I tried different strains. No luck. I had one really bad episode after a delicious cherry pie made with weed butter by a chef friend while living in Seattle where I ended up on my couch for 8 hours catatonic in my self-hatred and despair.

Sometimes if I'm having a really good time with friends it won't bug me. Others, it's nearly debilitating. So I keep to 5mg or less in edibles, and only rarely. I miss it but it's not that big of a deal.

I worry more about my own mental health and if this is evidence of something more serious. I wish there were studies or something I could learn more from or partake in.