[LarryL]

> So when people felt power, they really did have more trouble getting inside another person's head.

Interesting research, I'll be curious to know if it gets confirmed.

Anyway, I can offer a REAL, striking example of how people can change once power "goes to their head".

This is a real story, I was there when it happened, I saw & heard all, I was sitting about one meter away...

This took place in the early 2000s, I was working, as a contractor, in a BIG company. In the room we were several contractors, working for several teams (with different bosses). One of my coworkers was a political refugee in France, he was a political activist at home (an african country under a dictature) and had to flee, so he went to France. I knew he was into politics because during pauses he would talk on his phone and take appointments & the like (I was sitting in front of him, so I heard part of it).

One morning, as I arrived (he was usually the first in the room), he told me that something bad had happened... His teenage daughter was supposed to come and visit him in France (his family was still living in Africa), but at the airport she had been arrested by the police and had _disappeared_ with no news...

I don't think I need to insist on the seriousness of the situation & the fears that he must have had. Police in dictatorships are not know for being nice... You can easily imagine what could have happened to her.

Of course, this had been done in order to put pressure on him.

Then his boss entered the room, to talk about their project.

(Now, I swear that everything is 100% true and not exaggerated.) My coworked started, again, to explain the abduction of his daughter to his boss. His -loud- boss's reaction, with half a chuckle: "Ha! you're a man who brings trouble!". Then he left the room.

I was speechless. To be perfectly clear, this was NOT a "defensive laugh", the type of laugh that you do when things are bad and you don't know how to react, no he REALLY did not care.

My coworker, dismayed, turned to me and said "You know, that guy and me, we used to be like fingers of the same hand. Since he became a manager, he's gone crazy".

I could tell a lot of other horror stories about that manager. A few years later he even cost me my job (I refused a contract that would have put me in his team, this got me fired).

For those of you who may be wondering what happened to the daughter: her family "bought" her back. Corruption goes both ways...

A sad example of how power can kill someone heart...

[balfirevic]

> Corruption goes both ways...

What does that mean in this context?

[ALittleLight]

It means that the corrupt police who were willing to kidnap his daughter on orders from bad people were also willing to release her in exchange for money from the victim's family. At least, that's how I read it.

[balfirevic]

Thanks, that makes sense. For a moment it sounded to me like it says both parties in this interaction were corrupt, but that doesn't make sense.

[rootusrootus]

I went from being an individual contributor to a manager, and I would interpret that situation differently. When you are the boss, you are getting bombarded constantly. From above, below, peers, you name it. Your cognitive load goes up so much that you actively avoid bringing even more onto your plate. I definitely found myself trying on-the-fly to keep interactions superficial, especially in a group setting, just to avoid taking on yet another burden onto my already full plate.

Perhaps that would mean I suck as a manager. Though honestly I've seen the same effect on pretty much everyone I've seen go up the manager career path. I don't take any of it personally.

There are two sizes of problems -- mine, and yours, and mine will always be much more important to me.

[coldtea]

>When you are the boss, you are getting bombarded constantly. From above, below, peers, you name it. Your cognitive load goes up so much that you actively avoid bringing even more onto your plate.

Yes, I can see how saying some words of empathy or showing understanding about someone whose DAUGHTER HAD JUST BEEN KINGNAPPED might be too much on one's plate.

/s

[rootusrootus]

Perhaps the hardest part about managing people is a non trivial percentage of them will dump their personal problems on you and it can be overwhelming. It's hard to generate instant empathy on demand when everything that comes at you is someone's crisis.

Maybe the boss in this site could have been more diplomatic but I see it from his perspective and I can appreciate the need to try and push it away.

Sometimes I wonder if tech folks in particular are prone to being snowflakes.

[PavlovsCat]

> There are two sizes of problems -- mine, and yours

So if you drop a penny and I break my arm, you'd care more about the dropped penny, and when I say "ouch" you say "not now, can't you see I just dropped a penny"?

[rootusrootus]

You contrive an example but miss the fundamental truth. People will always focus more on their own problems than someone else's. I'm amused that this seems controversial. OP certainly doesn't care about the boss's problems. Which totally makes sense, except the boss, by virtue of his position, is not allowed the same privilege. A bit hipocratic but... Ok.

[coldtea]

Mel Brooks: "If I cut my finger, that's tragedy... Comedy is if you walk into an open sewer and die."

[paradoxparalax]

Bitterness is always less bitter in someone else's mouth, pain seems to be less painful too.