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by Isamu 2802 days ago
As an American, I had to learn the same thing. Only as a young kid, but I specifically remember this experience.

I think most people forget this, that you have to learn that a lot of conversation is not literal, it is opaque code for something else.

I am still a pretty literal conversationalist but I can translate fluently.

A friend had a great anecdote about his first meal with his girlfriend's family. The father asked, "is there any salt?" and my friend answered "yes" and just continued eating. He really had no idea that people say things like that instead of what they mean, which is "please pass me the salt," because his family would always just come out and say something more literal.

People who are used to using indirect language are usually shocked that there is any other way to talk.

2 comments

Story time: At a party of math students, the following dialogue happened between classmates (names changed):

Alice: "Do you know whether Carol will come to the party?"

Bob: "She will come, but somewhat later. I think she will be there in half an hour."

Alice: "I am not interested in whether she will come or not. If I wanted to know that information, I would simply have asked you whether she will come and if you did not know, you would simply have answered 'I don't know'. But this is not the question that I asked. I just wanted to know whether you have the knowledge whether she will come or not and that is why i formulated the question exactly this way and not differently."

I've trouble wrapping my head around that.

IMO Alice seems rude and even manipulative, first asking a question, then lecturing the person who answees the question in a perfectly valid way.

The normal thing to do in such a case (where I grew up and where I live now) would be to accept the answer as it 1. Answers the question at hand. 2. Is a perfect non-offensive interpretation of the intent of the question.

So, if I'm understanding this correctly, the right flow of conversation, from the point of view of Alice, would be like this:

> Alice: "Do you know whether Carol will come to the party?"

Bob: Yes, I know. (or No, I don't know).

Awkward silence. What a strange way to conduct a conversation.

Why did Alice want to know whether Bob knew if Carol was coming, but didn't want to know if Carol was coming? That seems like a weird thing to want to know.
> Why did Alice want to know whether Bob knew if Carol was coming, but didn't want to know if Carol was coming?

Because Alice wanted to find out whether Bob and Carol know each other well enough that Bob knows whether Carol will come or not.

Alice was building a social graph model of ppl attending the party?
I think you missed a step (or maybe I did?)...

Alice wanted to know if BOB had built a social graph of people attending the party.

BTW, your comment was pretty funny either way.

Alice programs in C.

Bob programs in Python.

I do not think they are shocked. When you are used to speak indirectly, the direct way is not that difficult.

The other way (as witnessed in your friend's story) can be.