[dingaling]

How do Finns flirt without smalltalk? Just jump straight to 'do you find me attractive?' and 'do you want to date?'

Though admittedly I used to work with an Irish guy whose sole chat-up line was 'are ye ridin?' and who had considerable success.

[lucozade]

Entirely anecdotal but my one experience of Finnish "flirting" consisted of telling fairly rude stories over a large bottle of vodka at the kitchen table (at the house we were both lodging in).

When I felt it was time for bed, we both went upstairs. I went to go to my room, on my own, and she said "no, we'll use my room". Or words to that effect. At no point, up till then, had it occurred to me there was anything between us. Just friends getting drunk.

No idea if this is typical but it was a very pleasant surprise to my teenage self.

[dev360]

This is 100% Scandinavian romance.

[kpil]

Judging by a few nights in Helsinki a long time ago, the main strategy for men seemed to be drinking themselves into such a helpless state that it triggered some sort of maternal instinct in a girl walking by.

It seemed to work for them. Actually talking to a girl also worked if I remember correctly.

[dvfjsdhgfv]

A person I met on a plane to Oulu told me her experience (so I have no idea how representative this is): the guy took her out, then they were drinking - but he was barely talking at all - and in the end he asked, "Do you wanna have sex?" Which is funny as I met several Finns who were not like that, they seemed to enjoy talking and company and general.

[Bartweiss]

On a related note, what happens at parties where lots of people don't know each other? (Assuming that happens at all.)

As much as smalltalk is unneeded in everyday life, having a script that brings out some general background ("so what do you do?", "are you from around here?", "how do you know {host}?") does help when strangers are looking for common ground where they can talk more deeply.

[vlehto]

In Finland we have these things called "Pönötys" and "kursaileminen". I'm half kidding, but half serious. Pönötys means awkward formal standing when you are wearing a suit or can of beer, but don't know where to put your hands or anybody to talk to. It actually happens a lot. "Kursaileminen" is kind of pretending that you don't need anything and have nothing to say. It's finnish way of being polite because you are not bothering anybody. Also happens quite a lot.

You do both of those and then you sneak to someone and ask them anything. It might well be "how do you know the host?" But Finns are quite flexible with the subjects because there is no culture of what you ought to speak about. You can ask anything, you don't have to ask anything. But do expect to get a throughout and honest answer.

It's great if you're imaginative and curious or if you want to be left alone. But if you fall in the middle it can get difficult.

[setr]

Thats exactly the same as a world with smalltalk

Bullshit questions that you ask in hopes of stumbling into something interesting to talk about (ie how well do you know the host) is the essence of smalltalk.

We just continue starting with the useless questions even if we already have an actual topic to work with ;)

[pimeys]

Met my American partner in a party in Berlin, talked a couple of hours about philosophy and been happy together for some years now. Although not living in Finland I can still call myself a Finn and it wasn't that hard.

PS we don't believe in smalltalk... :)