[883771773929]

Don't know where you live, but here in the US and especially in our metro areas, we use nursing homes as a way to seek vengeance against the older generations if they were assholes to younger generations.

On the surface, we like to say how we're providing care and have their best interests in mind as they "age well" and as we repay the debt of elders who took care of us so dutifully for years.

But in reality, the main usage is to get rid of very burdensome, cantankerous, and irresponsible leeches who because they left their children with a sense of hatred will not give in to the idea of putting up with their crap ever again, so let them rot all drugged up in a coma where they cannot escape as they watch TV in a urine-soaked room and play bingo every Wednesday night until they die off.

It's more a short-term fix for us though, a pretty typical American form of cutting off the nose to spite the face since national spending is sprialing out of control from dealing with the old and will become a larger economic problem. Ironically, it does force the hand of the young in later years once filial laws come back in full swing enforcement who will end up saying enough is enough and euthanasia legalization legislation will come swooping in to deal with this.

[specialist]

I emphatically agree.

The policy, cultural struggle I'm currently having is we won't let the elderly die in peace, with some dignity.

The growing acceptance of hospice and euthanasia, during my life time, has been very encouraging.

But what happens when people are kept alive after they lost their agency?

My immediate family has two people in a nursing home. The sicker of the two is essentially a vegetable and is not permitted to die (feeding tube, other heroic efforts). The some what less sicker is also trying to die, but at least still remembers his own name, can return greetings.

If either of these two men were lucid, they'd be livid to learn they're still here.

There's a guy down the hall who hasn't had any external contact in 11 years. No friends, no family. He's a complete vegetable. It's horrifying.

I've instructed my family that when I'm no longer able to converse, when I need someone to manage my hygiene, to let me die. I do not want to become a long term burden on the living.

I'm so worried about it, I've been researching ways to kill oneself, should the need arise.

[KennyCason]

Holy wow. I can assure you that this is NOT what the majority of Americans who send elders to nursing homes think. It’s more often to simply avoid the burden; laziness rather than spite. Other major reasons are because their families aren’t properly equipped to take care of them. E.g. physically, mentally, financially, or non-existent family members.

Anecdotes based on my experience with mother working as nurse in nursing home, and being American.

[Amygaz]

It might laziness in some cases, but lack of time, or more precisely like of wanting to add “this” to our already busy day, would be more accurate.

[KennyCason]

Indeed. That was what I was trying to convey.

[tomcam]

Your post may have been more revealing than you expected

[bhaak]

Possibly, but the notion of a retirement home as a kind of prison or punishment seems to be rooted in pop culture.

Remember the running gag from "The Golden Girls" where Sophia, the oldest member of the cast, was often threatened to be sent back to the retirement home of hell "Shady Pines".

[andrepd]

Quite so. I'm not sure he realises his feelings on this are probably not shared by most people.

[coldtea]

Depends on the culture too. Some of those "not sharing" those feelings belong to cultures that are OK with putting your parents there instead of taking care of them -- and think it's "for the better". Others wouldn't (statistically) let that happen, even if they have "busy lives" themselves.

(Another alternative of course popular in some cultures is to let them toil away even at 70 or more, and have them live alone and "independent", with the token visit).

[883771773929]

I'm not sure you accurately diagnose the degree of polarization in the population with ideas of resentment and hostility that are largely subconscious and tend not to surface until stress manipulates those repressed emotions into actually being confronted as eventually obvious explanations for actions undertaken with ulterior motives.

These feelings are universally shared, but only visible to most in times of scarcity and fear. When economies are bubbling along in mania, people tend to lose sight of the eventualities regarding unsustainable societies. It's easy for people to rationalize their actions as charity, benevolence, and empathetic concern when they themselves are rewarded daily for vocalizing the whitewash and justifying what should be by what is now. When the music stops and individuals are left to fend for a chance at a seat, the full intention of previous actions becomes apparent as if malice is not something definable by planned greed and desire but puppetered unknowingly by a more clairvoyant self that protects its fragile present with the blessing of moral amnesia.

[KennyCason]

I completely agree that people in general do not want to deal with near death elders , or elders who need caretaking. As of course this is a huge burden and very distracting. I’ve also dealt with this a number of times. It’s certisnly not fun or easy. BUT all the other undertone and reasoning (e.g. spite), I completely disagree with and do not think this is representative of the majority, or even a large minority.

[specialist]

I suspect the visitor logs at most nursing homes support anon's thesis.

[KennyCason]

I'll assume you are indicating that the visitor logs are often empty. Given that, I do not see how no visitors correlates to the families doing it out of vengeance or spite. In general, I feel the poster extremely amplified the reasons why people put family members in nursing homes. Based on this wording, specifically the paragraph about "letting them rot all drugged up... in a urine soaked room". This indicates a rather extreme, and I'd wager rare stance to take. I'm wondering if this is from their own anecdotal evidence.

I do know for sure nursing homes are definitely used to "remove a burden." Dealing with elders at that stage of life can very taxing, and many people would rather simply avoid it. They may even, as the poster hinted at, dislike their family member. However, even then I don't think they share as strong emotions as the poster.