[allthenews]

This comment comes off as intensely smug, from someone who has little experience with difficulty in dating.

Things are not so simple. In fact, the very nature of social interaction is such that it cannot be preemptively, logically broken down and solved.

Many men have trouble getting past step 1 on the dating apps you list. The funnel of capture, so to speak, from message to response can be extremely wide, both on and offline.

Of course, I believe I am describing the perspective of a male.

[kerbalspacepro]

The comment didn't come off as smug to me, but rather as so clearly true that it shouldn't need further explaining.

With a high risk of being labeled a weird PUA-- social interaction is easily able to be broken down logically. Humans are animals, and just like animals can be trained and managed, humans can be trained and managed. It can be analyzed with data if you're willing to whip up a spreadsheet. It can be treated using business principles if you're so inclined.

Also, don't call yourself a male, just like you wouldn't call a woman a "female" IRL. It is dehumanizing.

[loblollyboy]

Wow, you’re saying you can game human relationships w a few excel macros but calling someone male/ female is dehumanizing.

[tuesdayrain]

I refer to myself as "male" and I frequently see women refer to themselves as "female". Please don't tell me what I should be insulted by.

[tarsinge]

> Things are not so simple. In fact, the very nature of social interaction is such that it cannot be preemptively, logically broken down and solved.

No, they are simple. But at the same time, as you say, they cannot be logically solved. There is no logic, be yourself, talk about what you like, and you might find someone.

The hard truth is that this person might not be in the league you "targeted".

Edit: removed unnecessary snarky sentence.

[Timmah]

Sounds like you're projecting a lot of your own issues with that reply. Someone asked for instructions. Someone else gave a rough sketch. Stop reading more into it than there is.

[adiusmus]

Simple does not imply easy.

Go forth into the world and find someone. Expect failure. She may find fault in you. You may find fault in her. Evaluate her as much as she evaluates you. Evaluate your approach, how you speak etc. You’ll need to improve and change.

Being afraid to approach means you equate failure with some kind of death. That by itself is a faulty belief you’ll need experience to get rid of.

If you want homework: approach 300 women and see how you go. Vary every approach, change the time, place, activity. Document each attempt: What worked, what didn’t.

Have fun.

[TheGrumpyBrit]

Or just modify your goals and your definition of failure to reflect the fact that the other party is an actual human being, not some video game boss who you can keep trying different things with until something sticks.

Most of the people you're attracted to won't feel the same about you, or be in a position to act on it if they are. That's just how it is, and for the most part, there's nothing you can do about it. Sure, being friendly and personable won't hurt, but what they find attractive is one of their attributes, not yours. If you're going to base your definition of success or failure on how a stranger feels about you, you're going to find yourself very disappointed a lot of the time.

A conversation with another human being isn't a failure just because it didn't end with a sexual encounter or you getting their number. It's perfectly acceptable to just shoot the shit with a stranger for 5 minutes and both go on with your day without even exchanging names if that's how it feels like it's going. That's still a step up from spending that 5 minutes furtively glancing at them from across the room, and you've actually had some social interaction with another human being.

Also, can we just quit with this "friendzone" thing? It's not some heinous insult for a woman to consider you a friend. Great, you're attracted to her. I'm happy for you. But if she doesn't feel the same way, then you establish communication at the lowest common protocol. She's proposed friends. If you can communicate as friends, you have a new friend - is that really so bad? If you can't communicate as friends, you negotiate further down to the next available protocol, and now you're just an acquaintance who says hi when you happen to be in the same room.

We're talking about having a conversation with another human being. You don't need to interview them or manipulate them towards some goal - just have a conversation without an ulterior motive. You might be surprised at what you see when you stop looking so hard.

[adiusmus]

Most of the friendzone is people not making their intentions clear. I agree with the “just friends” thing however. Just be careful you aren’t wanting more and stay in orbit around her. A lot of men do have the fear of approaching women so I’d suggest not downplaying its effects or reality. The 300 number is to put a higher limit before giving up. And people do actually give up far earlier than they should in many aspects of life, not just dating.