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Or just modify your goals and your definition of failure to reflect the fact that the other party is an actual human being, not some video game boss who you can keep trying different things with until something sticks. Most of the people you're attracted to won't feel the same about you, or be in a position to act on it if they are. That's just how it is, and for the most part, there's nothing you can do about it. Sure, being friendly and personable won't hurt, but what they find attractive is one of their attributes, not yours. If you're going to base your definition of success or failure on how a stranger feels about you, you're going to find yourself very disappointed a lot of the time. A conversation with another human being isn't a failure just because it didn't end with a sexual encounter or you getting their number. It's perfectly acceptable to just shoot the shit with a stranger for 5 minutes and both go on with your day without even exchanging names if that's how it feels like it's going. That's still a step up from spending that 5 minutes furtively glancing at them from across the room, and you've actually had some social interaction with another human being. Also, can we just quit with this "friendzone" thing? It's not some heinous insult for a woman to consider you a friend. Great, you're attracted to her. I'm happy for you. But if she doesn't feel the same way, then you establish communication at the lowest common protocol. She's proposed friends. If you can communicate as friends, you have a new friend - is that really so bad? If you can't communicate as friends, you negotiate further down to the next available protocol, and now you're just an acquaintance who says hi when you happen to be in the same room. We're talking about having a conversation with another human being. You don't need to interview them or manipulate them towards some goal - just have a conversation without an ulterior motive. You might be surprised at what you see when you stop looking so hard. |