[yters]

Is there any way suffering at the end of life can be good? Someone I know chose to forgo this treatment as he died from leukemia, so that his mind would not be dulled at the end. I also heard of another lady who resisted this sort of treatment at the end for the same sort of reason. People may value being fully present during their last moments more than they want to avoid pain.

[david-gpu]

People who wish to forgo sedation at the end of life should be allowed to. Likewise, people who want a quick dignified death should also be allowed to. And everything in between as well. One size does not fit all.

[debacle]

In a morbid vein, you only get to die once. Wouldn't you want to be able to experience it fully?

[mirimir]

Sure. The gradual physical deterioration and loss of consciousness are OK. But I want to skip the painful parts.

A huge part of enjoying LSD at high dosage was being OK with forgetting who/what I was for a few hours. So maybe dementia will be OK too, as long as I don't stress too much about it. And as long as people around me are also cool.

[ataturk]

My 81 year old mother has dementia. It is a terrible disease. She has no short-term memory at all and it makes caring for her extremely difficult. Also, as the disease has progressed, she has gotten into crazy hallucinations and almost hurt herself and my father many times. She puts him into all kinds of bizarre situations when out in public by often screaming for help and telling bystanders she is being kidnapped/held against her will, which makes life for my father a living hell since he already hates cops and government authorities, and now he has to talk to them and explain his situation all the damn time. It's...a...living...hell--for her, for him, and for the entire family and she can't die soon enough because death would be far better than having no ability to be productive and able to care for herself.

[mirimir]

That is an alarming situation.

However, it sounds like their relationship has become confrontational. And it might help to empathize with her. Perhaps she does have cause to feel held against her will.

Some years ago, we realized that an uncle, who was ~85 years old and living alone, wasn't taking good care of himself. He wasn't eating enough, wasn't keeping himself clean, and just dozed on the couch, watching TV. And one of his feet was gangrenous.

So we invited him to live with us, and he agreed. And we saved the foot. However, my wife is very kind and caring. But she has high standards. So there was much conflict. She argued that, because he had Alzheimer's, and because he was living in our home, he didn't get to choose when to get up, when to eat, when to wash, when to shave, etc, etc.

It got to the point that we hired a big guy who basically forced him to do what she wanted him to. It was horrible. But finally, I convinced my wife to cut him some slack. We let him grow a beard. We let him wash at the sink, rather than showering. We let him watch TV all day, if he wanted, and got him a cat to keep him company. And we made sure that he ate enough, and had proper medical care. We retained the big guy, but he became our uncle's closest friend.

So anyway, whenever I hear horror stories from caregivers, about people with dementia or Alzheimer's, I wonder how it looks from the other side. If for no other reason, because that's the side I'm approaching.

[sorokod]

This is a good question, definitely worth thinking about. Also: you only get to live any particular second of your life only once, wouldn't you want to be able to experience it fully?

[pdonis]

The key is that it's their choice. A patient who says they want to forgo treatment and experience the suffering should be allowed to. But a patient who says the suffering is unbearable and they want treatment to alleviate it should get it.

[jessriedel]

> Is there any way suffering at the end of life can be good?

If a patient values life for its own sake even in the presence of suffering.

[stormduck]

I'd second this, even though I'm only a 30 year old, I have done a fair amount of thinking about death. As a result, this is something that I would fight against...suffering or not. Allowing my experience to remain as clear as possible towards the end of my life is of the utmost importance to me. I'm not religious.