[tbabb]

Something doesn't add up. Assuming "working every hour you're awake" means something like 12 hours/day 6 days a week, that'd be a $90k/yr salary at your stated rate of $25/hr. A more realistic (but still severe) schedule of 10hrs/day 6 days a week would be $75k/yr-- even in an expensive city, far from the brink of homelessness.

Am I overestimating how much you're working? Or is the income being consumed by something?

[_diyu]

I've only been a consultant for 2 months, and the reason I say every waking hour is because we are only just now getting caught up with bills, but we're still pretty far from being stable, and this weighs heavily on my concentration, so while I may work 12 hours in a day, I only get maybe 6-8 hours out of this work that I can actually justify billing for, because the rest of it was just spent staring at a screen and not really knowing what to do. And besides that, I have several children who need at least some of my help and attention throughout the day, and my wife who needs my help with them. So there goes another 2-4 hours. So even though I'm trying to get to a computer and type stuff in to count for billable hours throughout the day, this or that kid comes in needing something, or it's suddenly lunch or dinner time, or like basically everything breaks up the day and ruins any productive flow I could get into.

[tbabb]

It sounds like you need to manage your time, including making time to take care of your life, especially if you're spending handfuls of hours every day simply stressing. If that time is going to be not-work, then it might as well be time spent managing your life and your future.

If you can convert three hours of "sitting and stressing" time to two hours of "self and family-care" and one hour of "productive work", then that is an increase of productivity and pay.

Also, as others have mentioned, reading and learning a system is billable time. Programming is thinking, not pushing buttons. (Staring off into space or stressing or distracting yourself with social media is not, however).

It would probably do you well to find a way to clearly separate work and life time/space. Work in a library or a coffee shop away from distractions, and set aside time during the day to be focusing on work and work alone. Take responsibility for controlling what you spend your time doing.

[ScottBurson]

I mostly agree, but staring off into space can definitely be billable time. In fact, I think even time spent off-task can be billable, at least partially, as the brain needs time to digest what it has been presented with; I frequently find a short break can get me unstuck on a problem.

I think Patrick McKenzie recommends contractors bill by the day instead of the hour, partly to get them to consider necessary break time as billable. Of course, if you get to the end of a day and realize you really have been very distracted all day, you don't have to bill it as a full day.

Family distractions can be a big problem, though. You have to have blocks of several hours — I think the ideal might be two 3-hour blocks in a day — where you know you're not going to be interrupted, short of a true screaming emergency. Getting this across even to one's spouse, never mind a young child, can be very difficult. Getting out of the house might be the only way. As Paul Graham once observed [0], even the prospect of an interruption can be enough to keep one from getting into a flow state.

[0] http://www.paulgraham.com/makersschedule.html

[_sdegutis]

This is where I get stuck actually. I try to digest some information, but then I start worrying that I'm taking unreasonably long, that my client is definitely going to ask for a justification for why something that should have only taken 1 hour ended up taking 3 hours (because it could take him 1 hour or even less), and I won't have a good answer.

[ScottBurson]

Does the client actually ask for such a justification?

Anyway, let's say that you're right: something that would have taken him only 1 hour takes you 3 hours, because you're still learning about the code. I can tell you, speaking as someone whose time is valuable and who has to delegate tasks to people who don't know the code as well as I do, that I know it's going to take them longer, but it's an investment we have to make to get more people up to speed.

I understand that in your circumstances, "relax a little" is not easy advice to take, but it might be the best advice I can give you — along with making sure you have enough uninterrupted work time. It does sound like you need to get out of the house.

[nik736]

Talk to your wife and kids about it. You close the door and work, if it's closed they should not interrupt you and if you open it they know they can talk to you.

I think your problem is that you don't get shit done because you get interrupted so often and than know exactly that you aren't making any progess and go straight into panic mode.

Start with step 1: close the door and start working.

[DoreenMichele]

This is intended as helpful. I would very much appreciate it if you read it with that in mind and not read it just formulating your argument for how I'm wrong and just don't understand your situation.

--

I've raised special needs kids. I'm seriously medically handicapped myself.

Unless your children are all under the age of two, there are things you can do to empower them to take care of themselves.

Store things they need where they can reach them on their own.

If you have a microwave, set up microwave foods and microwave safe dishes near it. Let kids feed themselves when they want to. If most of the food at home is adequately nutritious and they are given some simple guidelines, this won't undermine their health.

For example: My son liked eating cold noodles from the fridge with Parmesan cheese. I told him if he had an apple to go with it, that was a perfectly acceptable light meal. He did that on his own often in elementary school.

Give them very simple rules and standards to follow, such as "I need to be able to walk to your bed, dresser and closet without hurting myself." Then let them figure out how to meet that standard.

I homeschooled while bedridden. The kids piled into bed with me and I read to them.

The point of that: Handicapped people (such as your wife) can often do a lot more than other people like to believe they can. Their physical limitations need to be accommodated, but it doesn't mean they can't do anything.

However, they frequently do not have the energy to deal with their physical limitations and also try to prove to other people that they aren't useless. So the attitude and mindset of folks around them matters a great deal in their ability to both contribute and to lead full lives.

I'm the primary breadwinner for my family unit. I work part-time and intermittently as I am able. Over time, I have gradually increased my earning capacity, in part by focusing on getting myself healthier.

In my household, we talk a lot about "primary breadwinner privilege." When I had a corporate job, my adult sons took over the women's work at home. I'm firmly convinced that a lot of men get as much done as they do because social expectation bends out of their way to accommodate The Job, not their gender per se. That line of thinking has been very helpful to me and my sons for trying to find a path forward under extremely difficult circumstances.

So it isn't being included to man bash. It's being included in hopes that it's somehow useful to you as a mental model.

[potta_coffee]

If I have to spend time thinking about a client's work, I bill them for it. Ultimately, writing software is a creative process and they're paying for my brain power. I've never had a client come back to me and say I'm billing too many hours.