[montyf]

Do you view everything in life in terms of investing and value extraction? If so, that is deeply, incredibly sad.

> you have several multi-decade goals to work towards

Why do you think the goals you listed are worthwhile? Who made these goals and why?

[spyckie2]

No, I don't view everything in investment and value extraction. I'm actually a very sentimental person, but since writing allows you to think before you type, I like to take the opportunity on HN to write out more objective focused arguments or point of views.

To clarify - the study of systems is not to prove a point of superiority or inferiority or to affirm or deny your value system; it's to observe the features of the system that indicate why things might happen the way they do.

When I say adults shouldn't invest much in friendships, it's not because it's bad for adults to value friendship, but because the investment into friendship yields less results than if they invested it somewhere else.

When talking about systems, it's better to talk about them objectively rather than subjectively, and to consider them from a detached viewpoint. Observation is not the same as association; just because I observe a phenomenon and attempt to write it down doesn't mean I associate with it.

For the goals I stated, I do not have an evaluation about these goals from a worth perspective. I merely point out that those things are the primary long term goals of most adults. There's a lot of others, but those seem to be the most common. I'd be happy to argue why they are, but again, my arguments will come from an objective point of view (the features that going after those goals have that make them so popular) rather than a subjective point of view (what I believe is a worthwhile goal).

[montyf]

I understand now, though I would argue that nothing you call "objective" is actually so. These goals you listed are just the formulation of a game, which a lot of Westerners choose to play (though not all global citizens, which already makes your opinions non-objective). We can choose to play any games we want on this planet, and it baffles me that people choose to invest time (the only thing you ever truly invest) into one of the worst games.

It's no wonder that whenever I go back to America or see Americans in my travels I am struck by how utterly shallow and unhappy they seem to be. And the stereotype of the American Smile is already disappearing from people's memories.

[Kiro]

Why are friends and family more worthwhile? Honest question.

[montyf]

Because we're humans, not asset-collection algorithms. I'm sorry that this is an honest question.

[Kiro]

That's exactly the kind of answer my "honest question" comment was supposed to prevent. We are different. Respect that.

[strls]

I learned that other humans are the most important thing in life. It took me a while and right circumstances to really feel and appreciate the importance of social interaction. I used to think I don't need to be around people much with all the goals to achieve and learning to do. Until I tried living and working in isolation for a while. Everything just becomes meaningless.

[spyckie2]

Some people value what good family and friends provide, having experienced it firsthand. Some have experienced good family and friends but don't value it, and some haven't experienced it.

Typically, if one of your primary needs is to feel loved, valued, and cared for, family and friends solves that the best way. Assets do not.

However, not everyone's primary need is to feel loved, although there is a certain level of that needed by everyone. Your primary need may be for things to stable, organized, orderly, or for you to accomplish goals you set out for, or to be consistent with your value system whatever you set up.

[ItsMe000001]

Because above a minimum threshold (which is pretty low) they contribute significantly more towards happiness and life satisfaction than "assets". Excuse me for not providing the links, but I'd say this has been shown and discussed sooo many times that I decide to be too lazy. I'm not even sure what "Honest question" is supposed to mean. Just like more and more people on the Internet write "this is my honest opinion", or "I honestly think". What does that even mean?

[Kiro]

In this case, I wrote "honest question" since my question could be interpreted as trolling otherwise. The familialism is so strong here that it's unfathomable that some people (like me) just don't care that much about family and friends.

[astura]

I don't give two shits about family; my family are assholes and aren't worth the time of day.

That being said, I have found the feeling happiness and contentment impossible to obtain without mutual human companionship. That being said, the amount of human companionship needed is probably heavily variable between humans; I'm sure some people are happier with less. I find it difficult to imagine a well adjusted (non serial killer) person who is perfectly happy with none. If your personal needs for companionship have always been met, I understand why you'd be confused as to why people seek it out so much.

[cozuya]

One of the biggest problems people in general have is not realizing that your relatives are not necessarily your family.

[vorhuts]

Family is who you choose. +1 for that!