[jpzisme]

What's up with all these sensational articles about Silicon Valley? Maybe the lifestyle is different as a VC, but as an engineer, this seems so disjointed from reality that it's almost farcical. I can barely get some of my coworkers to stop talking about code for more than a breath. There's no way that they're engaging in any of these activities.

Can anyone vouch for this behavior being prevalent? To me it just seems like a result of psychology where people think that others have more interesting/fulfilled social lives than they do despite it not being actually true, but maybe I live under a rock.

Furthermore, there are a ton of small VCs and startups in the valley. Of course a small percentage will do sketchy stuff. This is true everywhere and would really only be a problem if it was widespread or common amongst the major players and served as a meaningful barrier to entry. The only firm mentioned by name, Binary Capital, looks like a two or a one person shop, and I assume doesn't have much market power.

[azernik]

There is a sex/BDSM/cuddle party scene at a lower economic level, but that's a pre-existing part of Bay Area culture; the roots are more in the gay Leathermen/Folsom Street culture, and the hippie/tantra 60s counterculture, than in rich VCs. There is increasing techie representation in that subculture (mostly engineers), but that's because every Bay Area subculture that's open to the middle class has a lot of techies these days.

Of course, this scene tends to be explicitly feminist, disproportionately queer/trans, and anti-classist (public events tend to have sliding-scale prices and opportunities to volunteer for free admission). I didn't read the article in detail, but a lot of the bits and pieces sound like an upper-class, MUCH more heteronormative, more patriarchal attempt to reproduce those experiences. (e.g. explicitly gender-differentiated rules, which tend to create a mentality of men chasing sex and women giving it.)

[aaaaathrowaway]

I'm glad you brought this up, because I think it's important to emphasize just how different and disconnected these scenes are, so that one doesn't get swept up in coverage of the other. Especially as the elites making up the one described in the linked article are contributing toward pushing out the existing queer/kink scene (eg. through loss of venues to gentrification). And the latter culture, as I know it, is far, far more concerned with consent and equity than you'll generally find in straight/vanilla spaces, tying back into decades-long histories of actual liberatory struggle.

[stcredzero]

And the latter culture, as I know it, is far, far more concerned with consent and equity than you'll generally find in straight/vanilla spaces, tying back into decades-long histories of actual liberatory struggle.

I've been to two cuddle parties. They are very concerned with consent, and I have to say that their facilitation is very well thought out. I don't think I'd put them in the same general category as other parties mentioned here, which I'd call a "bacchanal." For some attendees, it's a cross between a party and a form of group therapy.

[azernik]

Yeah, I definitely agree - and in terms of the people involved they have a lot of overlap with the kink scene, though they do tend to be a more straight and cis subset.

[azernik]

I think the loss of venues is overstated; generally, the opportunity for cheap/free admission for those in need, combined with techies able to contribute more to events and venues, has worked.

Alchemy closed, only to have the space taken by Catalyst, which continues to provide events at a similar price point. It's just a new set of owners who had the cash to make the necessary fire safety renovations.

Wicked Grounds is finally on firm financial footing, and events there now pass around a donation jar (well, pumpkin) for local non-profits instead of for the cafe itself.

The Armory has become a high-end, upper-crusty events/classes venue for people (mostly hetero couples) who know nothing and are willing to shell out $150 for a class, but by pushing out the kink.com filming sets rather than displacing a local community venue.

[puzzle]

Not prevalent, but some things are more likely to happen when there's money floating around. A lot of it. Not at a party, but a VC, for example, told me nonchalantly that I could easily take home a woman from the place we were at, assuming I was willing to spend about $3K. This was in the presence of his wife. I hadn't solicited any of this "wisdom", of course.

A friend of mine in tech has been invited to "edgy parties" on two continents and she never went, having heard what they entailed. She had already dealt with plain harassment at work and didn't want to end up in even messier situations outside. There were a couple of famous names that scared her, based on their reputation in her circles.

I'm not sure if this is correlated more to the tech industry, Bay Area customs or a combination. Another friend, who's not in tech, years ago went to what her new boyfriend described as an edgy party, but turned out to be an orgy. One of the women she saw there ended up, by chance, as her fitness instructor years later.

Last but not least, do not assume that people can't be entirely different outside of work. Perhaps because of their intense daytime jobs, some might resort to "activities" as a way to handle stress levels. That said, I can think of at least one person in tech fired for having sex in the workplace.

[betterunix2]

"There's no way that they're engaging in any of these activities."

How would you know? Maybe it's a side of their lives they do not want to share with their coworkers.

I have a family member whose philosophy professor (back in the 70s) seemed to be as straight-laced as they they come. One day she discovered, to her astonishment, that he was the author of these books:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gor

[michaelchisari]

Oh man, I haven't heard about the Gor books since the BBS days. I never read one cover to cover but had the misfortune of going through some excerpts. Plenty has been said about their content, much of which I agree with, but the writing is also awful.

As a young Linux enthusiast, I always thought it was funny that they involved a place called Torvaldsland.

[bspn]

> Maybe the lifestyle is different as a VC, but as an engineer, this seems so disjointed from reality that it's almost farcical. I can barely get some of my coworkers to stop talking about code for more than a breath

I think you and most of us on here fall within "the vast majority" referenced in the article:

"Still, the vast majority of people in Silicon Valley have no idea these kinds of sex parties are happening at all"

[sushisource]

I think the thing that rubs me the wrong way is the article still feels like it's implying that it is common at the uppermost levels, but I suspect it's a very very small fraction of that very very small pie.

Then again, I don't know what I don't know.

[yojo]

I was at a party with a mid tier VC partner as he described a hotel off sandhill where there was a set night of the week where the women at the bar were all prostitutes. You'd buy one a necklace at the jewelry shop around the corner, give her the jewelry and receipt, and take her up to your room. Afterwards she'd return it for cash (minus a small "restocking" fee).

He seemed bewildered by the whole scene, but was very matter of fact about it/I don't think he was bullshitting. This stuff is definitely happening in a regular and organized way, albeit well above my pay grade.

[shalmanese]

Ah yes, the Rosewood Cougar Night: https://www.mercurynews.com/2012/09/07/bogus-report-of-ventu...

[sushisource]

As totally skeezy as it sounds, I have a hard time believing you're really "shut out" of the VC/startup scene if you don't attend like the article says.

Agreed that it seems totally out-of-phase with my understanding of reality

[guacamoleSoda]

My experience with Silicon Valley is much the same as yours. I'm just a mid-level engineer at a FAANG and my co-workers are boring-as-can-be. Nice people but introverted and tech-obsessed and they live relatively uneventful lives.

Still, I assume what's described in the article is happening to some degree, and it's an interesting lens through which to explore the gender and sexual dynamics of Silicon Valley (or Wall Street or w/e other high-powered industry we can think off). It's the age old story of royalty trading (promises of) power for sex. Even though both parties officially consent, is this behaviour morally okay? Or does the asymmetry complicate the situation? Are the powerful manipulating the less powerful? Or is it the other way around?

[eli_gottlieb]

>What's up with all these sensational articles about Silicon Valley? Maybe the lifestyle is different as a VC, but as an engineer, this seems so disjointed from reality that it's almost farcical. I can barely get some of my coworkers to stop talking about code for more than a breath. There's no way that they're engaging in any of these activities.

Well damn. The whole idea is kinda a gross-out to me personally, but if the world is going to suffer horrific wealth inequality, then for God's sakes, I at least want the decadent upper class to be having fun with it. From each according to his ability to throw freakin' huge parties, to each according to his ability and desire to handle himself maturely at freakin' huge parties.

[GuiA]

>Maybe the lifestyle is different as a VC, but as an engineer, this seems so disjointed from reality that it's almost farcical. I can barely get some of my coworkers to stop talking about code for more than a breath. There's no way that they're engaging in any of these activities.

From TFA:

If you’re reading this and shaking your head saying, “This isn’t the Silicon Valley that I know,” you may not be a rich and edgy male founder or investor, or a female in tech in her 20s.

[umeshunni]

Putting silicon valley in the title == free clicks for an otherwise inconsequential article / book.

[dang]

I agree with you that SV in titles has largely become linkbait but in this case it seems reasonably accurate.

We're pretty careful to take linkbait out of titles on HN, but beyond the gratuitous "Inside" I didn't see a lot. I suppose we could s/dark side/side/ as well.

[dekhn]

So, 4 prominent people who attended the party (including one woman who stayed until 5AM), have attached their personal names to statements saying this article's claims are fantastical. Combined with the fact that nearly all the claims are anonymously sourced, I don't see how you could claim it seems reasonably accurate, unless you are experiencing confirmation bias (which is what I think happened here).

[walshemj]

Hmm the older you get the more you realise that your coworkers maybe are not quite so straight laced.

I remember working in Camden during the 2000 boom and we had a lesbian college who came across as the office mom with pictures of her cats up.

One evening in the Pub she met or former colleague in the film industry and did the whole lovey kiss routine and later on recounted some of her escapades including the classic line

"People have take much less coke than that and died"

[JKCalhoun]

> Maybe the lifestyle is different as a VC, but as an engineer, this seems so disjointed from reality that it's almost farcical.

Engineer here. Yeah, headlines should stop saying "Silicon Valley". How about "Rich Entrepreneur's Secretive, Orgiastic Side."?

[cm2187]

Banker here. Welcome to the club.

[kilroy123]

I mean, yeah, you don't have 100 million in your bank account. (I'm assuming) I get the feeling this is a rich guy only kind of activity.

[pteredactyl]

Media. New York media. My impression is they’re projecting insecurity as they feel their grip on the American psyche ( propaganda ) slipping.

[SkyMarshal]

>What's up with all these sensational articles about Silicon Valley?

I suspect some of it is due to SV being under attack by political opponents. Telecoms who want net neutrality/open internet dismantled, and perhaps politically right folks who see lots of political support and donations for Dems coming from SV. The recent spate of articles advocating breaking up Google and other SV "monopolies" is especially suspect, considering they don't have strong competitive moats (at least not compared to owning the physical infrastructure of the Internet).

[mintplant]

I think you're painting with too broad a brush here. Concerns about the power wielded by massive tech corporarions aren't exclusive to the rightward end of the political spectrum.