[jsmthrowaway]

I’m especially gutted to read stuff like this, having been recently diagnosed with a moderate to severe case after not understanding my behavior for over thirty years. Have you ever asked someone with BPD what it’s like to live with themselves? To cry and drink themselves to sleep because they don’t understand why they’re like this? How they can’t fathom why they’re completely and utterly alone when it seems like they’re doing everything right, but going off the deep end every now and then without any earthly idea why? How they’d much rather embrace a bullet to the fucking temple than deal with this godawful sickness and a world full of indifferent people like you for just one more day? Pray tell, have you ever asked someone what it’s like to feel like life itself is a prison from which you can’t escape, trapped with a person you can’t even begin to explain nor relate to?

Didn’t think so.

I get my work done, dude. It’s like no matter how much I try to keep other people happy, nobody gives a shit and assumes I’m like everyone else they’ve ever met who claims to have it, and they’re confidently able to predict who I am based on a label. You sure have the leprosy of BPD figured out; sounds like I should be playing more office politics, since that’s what I’m supposed to do, apparently.

A not-insignificant portion of this thread sucks, is just outright depressing, and suggests to me that there’s little hope for ever successfully loving or communicating with other people. And you know the worst part? I fall in love easily because I want absolutely nothing more than to feel that connection with another human being. Comments like this remind me of the futility that lies therein. I shouldn’t have read the comments, and I knew better when I clicked it, but I did it anyway in the vain hope that I would read something to inspire me to keep pressing forward. How’s that working out, you ask? Makes me relieved I bought a tall bottle of Goose at the store earlier, thank you.

Your other, horrible comment comparing BPD to incontinence makes me want to say something really nasty, emotional, and visceral to you, but I’m strongly resisting because it would just reinforce your fucked up belief structure about people who are genuinely suffering on a level that you can’t even comprehend. Seriously, I’ve clicked Edit and typed some of the meanest things I’ve ever said several times now, but I also know to resist that overwhelming urge for both of our sakes. How’s that for your opinion of people like me? Do I fit your box?

I genuinely hope you find it in yourself to develop empathy for people who aren’t as advantaged and in control of their lives as you. I’m sorry to rebuke you so harshly, but Christ.

[jacobolus]

I dated a girl with (I would guess) BPD for a couple months, and it was either fine (most of the time) or a hellish nightmare. I gave up when she shouted at me for two hours, started physically shoving me, then threatened to call the cops on me because I spent an hour talking to her (chill male) roommate after she had gone to bed. I ended up suffering fairly severe anxiety attacks for at least another month or two, and felt tremendous guilt and regret that I couldn't help her, as well as anger at her behavior.

She was otherwise an apparently successful masters student who I'm sure can hold down a job for years at a time. But taking completely senseless abuse just isn't worth it for the vast majority of potential partners, even if the BPD person has many redeeming qualities and can't control their outbursts.

I wish her (and everyone in a similar situation) all the best, but I am too emotionally sensitive and empathetic to be able to deal with that for the long term without going nuts myself.

[adekok]

> Your other, horrible comment comparing BPD to incontinence makes me want to say something really nasty, emotional, and visceral to you, but I’m strongly resisting because it would just reinforce your fucked up belief structure about people who are genuinely suffering on a level that you can’t even comprehend.

As is typical in borderlines, you missed my point entirely. My comment was about the impact this disorder has on others. Because of the disorder, your pain is so large that you are blind to the impact that the disorder has on others.

That's the problem.

I sympathize with you, I really, really, do. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But ultimately, it's your disorder, and is your responsibility to fix.

If you want to help yourself, read:

https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=throwaway29845

Then, take the advice to heart. You will be happier by far.

One problem with the disorder is that the lows are tempered by highs. It's exciting to be emotionally involved, to think the world of someone, to be on the "high". And then it crashes, and you feel like shit.

I've read a lot about BPD, and things written by BPD sufferers. Despite the lows, most are also addicted to the highs. And they can't deal with the underlying disorder until they break the addiction.

As an example:

> I fall in love easily because I want absolutely nothing more than to feel that connection with another human being.

That's the emotional high I'm talking about.

You can get away from the lows. But the cost is that the highs are also mitigated. This is how most people live. There are few extremes. Just every day fumbling through life. Life is this: just living.

> I genuinely hope you find it in yourself to develop empathy for people who aren’t as advantaged and in control of their lives as you.

That is another typical BPD comment. You know nothing about my pain, my experience, or my journey. But because you're in pain, then my life must be wonderful.

Stop splitting. Decide to just live. Decide to not inflict pain or suffering on others. Work on the addiction to the highs.

If you want to talk more, email me. My email address is in my profile.

[dang]

> As is typical in borderlines

This is a shocking personal attack and particularly painful to see here. You've followed it up with other things that are just as bad. This is not allowed on HN.

I've banned this account, mostly because you behaved so badly here, but also because you've engaged in flamewars and personal swipes in the past. We really don't want that kind of discussion on Hacker News. If you'd like to commit to using this site properly in the future—which means only posting scrupulously respectful remarks—you're welcome to email [e-mail] and ask to be unbanned.

[taohansen]

also BPD here, and also inclined to point out you’re misrepresenting the other as much as he may be misrepresenting you.

those of us who accept our diagnosis and work toward treatment (and it is a small subset) are often deeply aware of the impact our condition has on others. often i feel i go the distance to cultivate the good more than others in my circle because i am so distinctly made aware of my own inhered failings in the social arena.

how may i help you? how may i make your life a more pleasant experience? how may i alleviate your burdens? these are all questions at the forefront of my mind when communicating with humans generally and even more with those i have invested time and effort.

it’s a real effort which i am inclined to point out you may not fully be aware yourself of the enormity of despite saying so. you don’t live in this mind where every emotion is like a firestorm. we may talk of our disorder as a real sickness, as an illness to be eradicated but you on the other end have not felt what it was like to fall so deeply in love that self and other disappear in a moment of self-self knowing. if humans knew all other humans in such a fashion, humankind might be better off.

my goal is to eliminate the poisons and elevate what i know to be good in me. we can get better. i have seen the results myself. please don’t write us off as a population.

i’d urge the mentally healthy to also strive to be even more tolerant, compassionate and selfless than you may already think yourself to be. being human (”healthy” as it were) can be seen itself as a kind of mental condition that one is enslaved to: extraordinary people like the Buddha have made such observations.

we’re in this thing together.

[jsmthrowaway]

See? Got me figured out from a label.

I didn’t miss your point. The part that made that comment horrible is “you’re not allowed to come over until you stop peeing on my couch,” like human beings with a regrettable, painful, mortifyingly embarrassing condition are untrained dogs to you. Like it’s something they can just stop. That’s what you said: figure it out, then I’ll let you sit on my couch. I considered the possibility that I misinterpreted you here, then noticed that I wasn’t the only one, if so.

Then you did the exact same thing here, too. “Stop splitting.” “Decide to stop hurting people.” “Just flick off this light switch that’s taken years of therapy to even understand, buddy! Just live! Just be!” Okay, Julia. You’re talking about serious, life changing journeys that require a lot of help and support along the way, and paying them the same respect as taking the car through the wash.

I’m not blind to my impact on other people. As is typical in armchair psychologists, you missed the entire part of my comment where I talk about how intensely aware I am of my impact on others. That’s this entire comment: oh, he has this condition, let me ignore everything he said and talk to him with my years of psychological training. Maybe that will get through.

I’m not splitting with you and acknowledge that I know nothing about your pain or journey. I know only what you’ve chosen to share in commentary here, and brother, it’s enough of a display of malempathy to make me conclude that your opinion matters very little to me. I didn’t even need my disorder to make that determination. The follow up didn’t do a lot to help.

[superbrama]

Who is Julia? Just curious. Thanks for sharing your perspective and following up with the other poster in detail.

[jsmthrowaway]

For some reason, “decide to just live” made me think of Eat Pray Love. Mental reference I don’t fully understand either, don’t worry.

[owebmaster]

As a BDP self-diagnosed here in the post, I fully understand why you did this. I also did it in the past without knowing why but today I got some reflection about it, mainly with this topic and your reluctancing in understand that the way your argument is severely biased because of this condition we share.

[Fnoord]

Please don't self diagnose. Not much good comes out of it, as you can't act upon it with treatment such as therapy or medication. Please see a professional instead.

[jsmthrowaway]

I don’t know if I agree that I’m biased about calling out a lack of empathy like that — maybe that I personalized it too much, sure — but I respect your viewpoint and I’m glad you’re reflecting on it. Self awareness is step one on a journey that’s going to take you and I a long time, and I’m glad to see that this (awful) thread has some positive outcomes.

[DanBC]

> As is typical in borderlines,

what an absolutely vile thing to say. This is a repugnant comment, and you should be ashamed of it.

[forapurpose]

Agreed. This whole thread is abusive and vile, maybe the worst thing I've seen on HN.

jsmthrowaway - if you ever read this, you have my empathy and support. Ignore these a-holes; they are just ignorant and loud. Unfortunately there are many sick people in the world who don't understand mental illness, but remember that there are many people who do understand.

[jsmthrowaway]

Thank you.