[_sqhj]

As an author of dozens of open-source projects, I was really surprised how entitled / rude people can be. I was even told f-word just because I used babel for compiling JS. I was like WTF. Some people act as if they are my paying customers when I get zero compensation from my open source projects. I just share my work because I think they can be useful for some. I don't have any obligations to solve their problems.

[jmcdiesel]

Keep in mind, the entitlement works both ways...

This isnt just for you, more of a general thing. Ive seen it a lot in this thread alone.

Creating an OSS project doesn't entitle you to be treated a certain way either. Nothing does. Being entitled at ALL is bad, so expecting good or bad is just a waste.

I try to live more by the "give everything you can, expect nothing in return, be grateful if something comes" mentality. Shitty people are going to be shitty people, and most of them are shitty for a reason - so feel bad for them, not angry or annoyed at them. Nobody WANTS to be an asshole...

[_sqhj]

I don't want any thank you notes. Never asked and never will. I just don't like people who are rude, and I find them annoying. I don't know what's wrong with feeling annoyed by them being rude to me.

[jmcdiesel]

Because being annoyed doesn't affect them, only you.

Choosing to experience negative emotion because someone does something is self-harm.

When you are entitled to something, you expect it, and you can't expect something and be truly appreciative of it at the same time. When you don't expect good though, the bad doesn't upset you, and the good, you actually genuinely appreciate.

[yesenadam]

"Choosing to experience negative emotion because someone does something is self-harm."

Hi :-) Fascinating comment. Do you really live that, or just it's something you read/heard and aspire to?

Trying to unpack that a little: Calling experiencing negative emotion (i.e. feeling bad) "choosing to experience negative emotion" seems psychobabble. Do you choose all your feelings? I doubt it. So, you will never feel bad because of anything anyone does, because why would you, and that would be self-harm. All that just strikes me as jargon out of a bad self-help book. It doesn't sound human, but like a robot, or maybe a guru. (e.g. Nisargadatta: 'In my world, nothing ever goes wrong.') I guess that's why gurus/monks/priests aren't supposed to have wives, girlfriends, careers, possessions etc. Because ordinary humans do get upset about stuff. And feel good about stuff. The way you call people "someone" and reduce most of life to "someone doing something" I find absolutely chilling.

That last bit about expectation sounds likes the ridiculous pessimism I thought made sense as a child. If you expect things to turn out for the worst, you will never be disappointed. That was before I realized that in life your attitude makes a huge difference to how things turn out. In the real/everyday world of someones doing somethings anyway.

[jmcdiesel]

You dont chose your emotions, you chose which emotions to react to.

There is an entire philosophy built around that concept, buddhism.

[joonhocho]

I didn't expect anything, but your comments still let me down, and I find you annoying.

[resu_nimda]

What he's talking about is putting yourself in a mindset of very low expectations to maximize your own happiness.

For example, if your baseline "expectation" of people is that they will be rude and shitty, then you won't become annoyed when someone is rude and shitty to you. And when someone is nice to you, they have exceeded your expectations and it makes you happy.

So what you perhaps "expected" is that people generally would not be rude, which led to your disappointment when you encountered a rude person, which ultimately just generated annoyance/unhappiness for yourself (i.e. their rudeness is static regardless of how it made you feel).

The point is not really to go around bleakly expecting everything to be shit all the time, but just in general, the lower your expectations are, the less power you give people to disappoint and upset you, and the more you appreciate people for exceeding your expectations. It's not really about whether it's "right" or "wrong" to be annoyed at them but just a mindset shift for your own contentment.

[jmcdiesel]

Its not about low expectations. Its about no expectations.

Buddhism, Daoism, etc... its the same idea. Don't have expectations, good or bad, simply be in the moment.

[edited for spelling]

[Clubber]

I would say if you are giving a gift to someone who wants / needs it, you are entitled to a little courtesy.

[jmcdiesel]

Nah, you're not.

Entitlement only leads to disapointment. It's bad all around, from my perspective.

You can't be entitled to something AND appreciate it at the same time. So, a lack of entitlement of being treated well leads to appreciating more when you are treated well.

If nothing else, its a fun sociology/psychology conversation.

[mschuetz]

And I have people demand I use babel. Whatever you do, it'll be wrong either way.

[Moru]

This exists everwhere. Just today I heard it from a member of the archery club. He thought he didn't have to help for free, he wants to get salary for helping with preparation for competitions and other things we do. The egoistic culture is here more than ever.

[boxerab]

yes, the sense of entitlement of some people is very surprising.

[sheetjs]

"If you give a mouse a cookie, the mouse will ask for a glass of milk"

[iagooar]

That's a fun expression, first time I hear it! In Polish, you would say "you give a finger, and they'll take the whole hand".

[cutcss]

In many Spanish countries we have a similar one: "le das la mano y agarran el codo", which translates "you give them a hand and they'll grab the elbow".

[vturner]

"Give someone an inch, and they will ask for a mile!"

[analogmemory]

It's the title of a popular children's book :) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_You_Give_a_Mouse_a_Cookie

[eitland]

Same in Norwegian :-)

[iagooar]

Languages and cultures are such a fascinating thing. How can Polish and Norwegian come up with the same expression, without a shared, common ancestry and the countries not being direct neighbours.

[rosstex]

"Give a man a fish, and he'll ask for two." Wait...

[wzsddtc]

In Chinese it's give people an inch and they would want a foot.

[Clubber]

I like the possibly unintended double meaning of "foot."