[whistlerbrk]

A major rule in parenting is to praise effort and hard work which strengthens the 'internal locus of control' as opposed to seeing some positive action and then commenting on how smart they are. People view 'smarts' as something binary, you are or you aren't and therefore you are strengthening the external locus of control. Eventually when smarts aren't enough, and additional progress requires grit, those who were praised for their determination will excel, because they know it is within them. Others who were told they were smart will hate themselves for not being as smart as they thought. So goes the theory.

[moxious]

There are no widely accepted rules in parenting, because the outcomes people are trying to create in their kids are so wildly different. Raising kids is like cooking a dish over a decade or more with no recipe. Imagine one set of parents making brownies, and another trying to make Chicken Kiev. How much chocolate should you use?

[whistlerbrk]

as I said, '... So goes the theory.' But as far as widely accepted rules in parenting, pretty much any baby book will mention this.

I don't think anyone is trying to achieve an outcome where their child feels inadequate. The point is well meaning parents can unintentionally do harm with their words. So I don't know where you are going with your analogy.