[moxious]

There are no widely accepted rules in parenting, because the outcomes people are trying to create in their kids are so wildly different. Raising kids is like cooking a dish over a decade or more with no recipe. Imagine one set of parents making brownies, and another trying to make Chicken Kiev. How much chocolate should you use?

[whistlerbrk]

as I said, '... So goes the theory.' But as far as widely accepted rules in parenting, pretty much any baby book will mention this.

I don't think anyone is trying to achieve an outcome where their child feels inadequate. The point is well meaning parents can unintentionally do harm with their words. So I don't know where you are going with your analogy.