| I love your comment. It is raw. I have also begun to look at the world reductively, sense + state, as you said. It helps. What I found is most powerful, however, is to fall in love, then to focus on building intimacy. Not very scientific, I know. But I think we can all agree that being in love is a wonderful feeling. The problem with love science is that love feels out of control and science requires tight controls to measure and validate results. There is no way to do this with love, thankfully, but it works. In the process, I have come to accept my faults and helped my partner to accept hers. Through mutual understanding and support, we have been able to grow together through shared experiences. We have also had our share of arguments, and we have both given in to moments of human weakness and self-destructive behavior. But, through accepting responsibility for those off moments, apologies, and forgiveness, we have only grown closer. If we never fought, we wouldn't recognize how good we have it otherwise. I would make one addition to your beautiful comment by suggesting that the ultimate answer does not lie within. The answer to anger and host of other issues lies in the deep, time-tested reflection of who we are in another person's eyes. This is especially true when a person feels unworthy of love. |
I think in live, we go through phases. Once my best friend told me my ex, lied to me for six years and both of them stop talking to me.
It was a huge disorienting dilemma. It implied a lot of suffering, even desires of committing suicide. Then I started to do tens of therapies of different types, meditations of different types, studied psychology and physiatry and overall, I think all the experience was profit. But was difficult.
Right now, I think is really difficult to change the way we see live from a comfort zone, as there is no incentive for the brain to change that values. Being said that, we can improve behaviour from the comfort zone. Not the values.
Coming back to your comment, after your best friend and your girlfriend betray you, all the trust schemes are destroyed, and any partner that I found... fears kick in, and I ran away.
So I decide to stop trying to have a partner, and let my brain to do its magic, and decide for me when I should fall in love.